The Aftermath
by BrucasGrl309
Summary: Lucas loved Peyton. Brooke loved Julian. That was the way things were meant to stay. No one ever believed that a single night on the beach would change everything.
1. That Night

I haven't posted a story in a few months. That doesn't mean that I haven't been writing. I have this story and then one or two other ones in my head. This one is my favourite. I've been writing it for a while. I'm on chapter seven right now. Once I read and edit them, I'll post them. Sometimes I'll make you wait and sweat a little though (just a little though). Comment and tell me what you like/dislike/love/hate. Enjoy!

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That Night

_Brooke_

_-X-X-_

My mother is dead. I should care but I don't. She was hardly a mother to me throughout my childhood and the last few months don't count for much. Sure, I'm sad, on some level, that she's gone, but mostly because I'm scared of running my company on my own. I keep trying to remind myself that I'm a strong and independent woman who doesn't need her mother to be successful.

I lift up my black dress with two hands and kick off my heels. My feet are sore and tingle as the blood flow increases once again to my toes. I love the feel of the sand creeping its way in between my toes. I've really missed this.

Today marks the first time we will meet like this. In my mind, I see myself crying on his shoulder. His warm hands are wrapped around me. I close my eyes, loop my hands around his neck to draw him closer, and press my cheek to his chest…

I would never do anything to hurt my best friend. She's _my_ Peyton and I love her like a sister. She doesn't know about today's meeting and I know that she should. Still, I continue to tell myself that I chose Julian and Lucas chose Peyton. We have been over for a very long time.

I pull open the clip on my purse and find my cell phone. I check the time. He's five minutes late. I'll pretend to be angry, just to see him squirm, but of course I'll forgive him.

"You're lucky I'm still here. I was about to leave." I finally hear him behind me. I turn my head away to hide my smile.

"Leave?" He asks as he sits down on the warm sand beside me. "I'm hardly late"

"You were late enough, Lucas. You know that I have a very busy schedule. There is no extra time to sit around waiting for people."

"Brooke," He smiles and squeezed my shoulder with his hand "You just came from your mother's funeral. How busy can you're schedule be?"

I stare down at my pink toes "Thanks for coming to that, by the way, Luke."

We sit in silence for a few minutes. Even though Lucas makes me feel better, it doesn't change the fact that my bitch of a mother is dead.

"I don't know how my dad is going to take it. I guess he has his work and his golf buddies," I shrug and stare off at the ocean "But I'm not sure it'll be enough."

I don't like admitting it but I'm worried about my father. He's never worked well with being alone. My mother was a witch and yet he married her anyway. I still wonder what he saw in her…

"What about you, Brooke?" Lucas takes me off guard. I blink a few times and try to smile. I want to let him know that I'll be okay. I, unlike my father, have excelled at being alone. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Life will go on. It always does." I shrug and tuck a few loose strands of hair behind me ears. I'm thinking of growing my hair out again. Like back in high school.

"Are you happy, Brooke?"

I don't want to answer. He's been asking too many questions anyway. Instead, I ask him a question "How's Peyton?"

He looks taken back. He wasn't expecting to have Peyton join our conversation "She's perfect. We find out the sex of the baby next week."

"That's awesome, Luke." I smile because I'm so happy for my best friend. She deserves her happiness "What are you hoping for? A boy or a girl?"

"I would be happy with either, Brooke." He laughs a little. I know better than to believe him.

"Come on, don't give me that bull shit. Everyone would rather have one or the other. They always say that they don't care but they do. What's it going to be? Boy or girl?"

His head tilts back and he laughs, "Okay, fine. I guess I hope it's a girl."

I laugh, even though I'm not surprised. "Shocker, Lucas Scott chooses woman over men."

"Yeah, yeah, would you think I'm crazy if I said it was because I just love woman too damn much."

"Yeah," I smile and nudge him with my arm.

Suddenly, his face turns serious. "Honestly, it's just, I look at Peyton and all I want is to have a daughter with her eyes. I want a daughter with her curly blond hair and pale skin. You know, with her mood swings and love for music. I already know that she would be so damn gorgeous."

We both stay quiet for a few minutes. These are the moments that I wish I was somewhere else. So I try and concentrate on the fact that I'm flying back to Las Angeles tomorrow.

"I'm sorry."

I blink. "For what?"

"I'm sorry you have to go through all of this alone."

I blink again. I will _not_ cry. "I'm not alone, Luke."

"I know that you have Julian, Brooke, I'm not an idiot. Still, you know that I'll always be here for you."

"Here in Tree Hill." I agree.

"Yeah, it's home, isn't it?"

But I'm not so sure it is home. Not anymore, atleast.

"Home is where your family is. Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in."

I roll my eyes and sigh. "Now you're quoting Robert Frost? Seriously?" I look down at my nails and check the manicure I got last week. The nail polish is beginning to grow out. "I was sitting on this very beach the night I broke up with you. I had just gotten back from the doctor with Haley." I feel his eyes on me but I press on, "I was sitting on this very beach, asking God to promise me that he would watch over you."

I laugh and hope Lucas laughs as well. Being the broody boy that he has always been, he doesn't.

"And then a few weeks later, he answered my prayer."

By the way something in his eyes shifts; I know that he understands.

_"It's you."_

_"What?"_

_"When all my dreams come true, the one I want next to me, it's you. It's you, Peyton."_

Little does he know that I was just feet away from him, hiding behind the crowds of people. I had wiped away a few stray tears and smiled. _Thank you for listening, God._

"She's got a heart of gold, Lucas. And she loves you to death. So don't go looking for trouble, okay?"

He shakes his head and begins "Brooke, I'm not-"

I stop him by putting up a hand "I don't think we should meet like this again."

He seems taken back. What, did he think he would be the one to end it?

"Why?"

"You know why, Lucas. In a few short months, you're going to be a father. Then you'll be getting married. And starting you're new life with you're new family." I swallow, wondering if I should say the next part. I know it's going to hurt but I also believe it'll do the trick "What would your daughter think if she knew her father was sneaking around with another woman while her mom was pregnant?"

He does what I expect. His eyes close and he shakes his head. I need to do this. Cutting this last string will finally set both of us free ."I'm not sneaking around with someone else, Brooke. We're just friends. You know that. And you're not just _another woman_."

I smile and nod "Don't try to make me feel better because my mother is dead."

"Brooke," He sighs. Though he doesn't like it, I know he understands. "What about you? What happens to you?"

I feel a pang in my chest. I try to smile. "Tomorrow, I'm letting Sam know that I'm moving us to L.A. Then, we'll be off." I sigh. It's not exactly a wonderful plan. "And that'll be that."

His voice is sour when he speaks again "It sounds like you've been thinking this through a lot."

I decide to ignore his sarcastic tone and I answer him honestly. There is more to my story. "I have thought about it, Lucas. This is what is best for Sam and I. Don't think that I ever take these decisions lightly."

He stays quiet for a long time. I can imagine the gears in his brain turning. There was must be something he desperately wants to ask. Then he does. "Don't you want to fall in love, Brooke?"

His question makes me a little angry. Who does he think he is? He can't question my plan. "I don't need to get married to have my happy ending, Lucas."

"Love sure makes things easier though. Anyway, don't you believe that the right guy is out there somewhere?"

Finally, I'm letting the tears fall. I pull my legs up towards my chest and close my eyes. He holds me as I cry myself out. My mind wanders back to the night I said goodbye to him.

"_I love you, Lucas, but we go days without having a meaningful conversation. And I used to miss you so much when that happened but it never seemed like you missed me. And because of it, I guess, I stopped missing you."_

I can't believe it has taken us five years to get to this point. My feelings for him haven't disappeared but have certainly changed. In some ways, they are stronger. I love him more today than I did the first time I said those three little words back in high school. But I also feel like things could never go back to the way they used to be. Lucas had chosen Peyton and even though it breaks my heart, I know that I can't change that.

"I have to go." I say and push myself up.

He stands up as well. "No, wait, you can't just leave."

"Lucas, go home to Peyton." I can't seem to make myself take that second step. My back is to him and I close my eyes. I'm just so tired of all of this.

"Fuck, Brooke, no. You don't get to push me away."

I turn around and look at him like he's crazy. Did he just say that _I _pushed _him_ away? "Lucas, you're crazy. Go home."

"No, Brooke. You can't leave. Not this beach and as sure as hell not this town."

"Lucas, stop trying to make things more dramatic than they have to be. I'm not committing suicide. I'm not moving to India. It's just Los Angeles. You'll see me again." It's true. He is my family, after all. I smile to let him know that I'll be okay.

He sighs. "Stay so we can talk about this."

"I can't, Luke."

"Because I'm in love with Peyton?"

I shake my head and blink a few times. It feels like someone is squeezing my heart in their hand. "Yes,"

He watches quietly as I put my hand over my heart, trying to feel if I'm actually having a heart attack. I rub my hand up and down a few times before deciding that I wasn't _actually_ dying. "That never stopped you before. I've loved Peyton for years, Brooke. That never stopped you from talking to me before. Don't you remember how close we were when Angie was here? What changed? Why can't you talk to me now?"

"She's pregnant, Lucas!" I scream at him, like it's the simplest thing in the world "She's pregnant and now things are so much more permanent. Love is one thing, Lucas. Marriage as well, but a baby changes everything. You'll always have this little blond haired, blue eyed baby to remind you that Peyton is the one you chose. Every time I'll look into that little girl or boy's eyes, I'll be reminded that you chose Peyton over me. After all the love letters and promises between the two of us, you chose my best friend over me. A baby changes everything, Luke."

He doesn't know how to respond. The two of us just stand there in silence, staring at each other.

Then he does something I never expected. He wraps his arms around me and touches his warm fingers to my face. He takes a step forward and his lips come crashing down on mine. I suck in a breath, wondering why he's doing this. Then I open my mouth and I feel his tongue against mine.

The tears are still flowing freely down my face and I still don't care. I kneel down on the sand, bringing Lucas down with me. His hands are cupping my head, keeping our faces together. All I can seem to concentrate on is the fact that it has been _way_ too long since we've done this.

I graze his stomach with the tips of my fingers, pushing him gently back, until he is lying face up on the sand. Then I climb on top of him and sit on the crotch of his pants. I unzip my dress from the side and pull it over my head. The cool breeze that blows across the beach makes the hair on my arms and legs stick up straight.

Lucas's eyes move up my body, lingering on the parts he hasn't seen in years. After a moment, they've found their way up to my own. I let a small smile slip.

"Are you sure?" He asks me, his warm fingers touching my hips.

I pause. "Yes, I'm sure" But I know I shouldn't be. This is everything that I could have wished for but I know I shouldn't have.

With my permission, he flips the two of us around, pining my under him. His hands are on either side of my face and I can feel every part of his body pressed against mine.

I take my shaky hands and peel his t-shirt off. His skin is sticky with sweat from nerves.

The rest of our clothes come off quickly and we're both left naked, waiting, hesitating. "Lucas, sex doesn't fix any of this." I whisper.

"I know." He whispers back before kissing me.

"Wha--" He quickly finds his way in between my legs, causing me to stop before finishing my question. None of it matters anyway. Right now, I'm with the man I've always loved. We can both worry about how stupid this is later.

After a few minutes, I convince him to let me have a go at it, and then he flips the two of us over once again. In all my years of sleeping around in high school, the boys had always liked being in charge. Now it's my turn and I like it. I like it _alot_.

I let him hold me against his chest when we are done. It's not such a great idea, I realize, to have sex on the beach. I can feel the sand rubbing against my skin when I move my thighs. All I really want to do is jump into a shower.

I lift my head and smile at Lucas. "I'll race ya." And then I jump to my feet. Luckily, there isn't much of a breeze tonight and the waves are small. I laugh as I'm skipping towards the water. I feel ten years younger.

"Brooke, the water is freezing." Lucas says before I dive in. It's not so bad. He's just being a baby.

After going out a few meters, I circle back, only to see him a few feet away from me. I swim closer and wrap my legs around his waist.

"See, it's not cold." I whisper, taking one of my wet hands and touching it to his dry face. I brush my lips across his a few times and then pull back. I watch his face carefully. All of this is like a dream. "You're not going to leave Peyton." This comes out as more of a statement. Part of me needs him to agree with me.

He frowns. "Do you want me to leave her?"

I wrap my arms tightly around his neck. Under the water, his hands are moving up and down my back. "It doesn't matter what I want, Luke."

"But I want you to be happy."

I nod. "I'll be happy if you're happy. So I'm going to answer my own question. No, you aren't going to leave Peyton. She makes you happy."

His eyes grow large as he takes in the two of us here, naked. This isn't a dream. "Brooke, what about what we just _did_?"

I shake my head. "In some alternate universe where I get everything I wish for, we would be together. In this universe, it's Peyton who will get what she wished for."

"This is my fault. I shouldn't have come."

"No, Lucas, it's my fault too. We are both to blame."

"What now?"

"As much as I'd love to spend the night here with you, Sam will wonder where I was. Not to mention that the mother of your child is home alone right now."

I let him carry the two of us back to shore. Then we dress just as quickly as we had undressed.

I'm crying again but this time Lucas doesn't comfort me. He has his own tears to worry about.

"Bye, Brooke." He whispers as I begin to walk away.

I don't respond until I'm far enough that I'm sure he won't hear me. He doesn't need to know that this is my real goodbye. "Bye, Luke."


	2. Intuition

I'm going away for the weekend (camping!) so I won't be able to put up another chapter until monday or tuesday. Thank you so much for all of the reviews! I'm glad you like it :) Here is the second chapter. Enjoy!

UPDATE: Just remember, this IS a Brucas story. Be patient. It's coming.

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**Intuition**

_Lucas_

-X-X-

I drive fast, checking the time every thirty seconds. It's only nine thirty. Peyton won't be suspicious, will she? I've been out later before. I decide to make a stop at Tree Hill High School, and pick off a few roses for Peyton from the bushes behind the school.

I feel like a guilty idiot who is trying to make up for cheating on his wife but I do feel sorry for what I did. Peyton doesn't deserve someone like me.

When I pull up to the house, I check myself in the mirror, wiping the sweat from my brow. I'm more nervous than I was back when I cheated on Brooke with Peyton. This time, I know that not only have I cheated on Peyton, but also on our unborn child.

The minute I walk in the door, I know that something is terribly wrong. Someone, Peyton I assume, has thrown two full plates of food at the front door. Rice, vegetables, and porcelain chips cover the hardwood floor. I try to avoid stepping in it but with every step I take, I can feel the crunching beneath my shoes. "Peyton? Peyton, where are you?"

I walk into the baby's room, to find Peyton curled up on the rocking chair, fast asleep. Quietly, I step closer and place a gently hand on her shoulder. "Wake up, Peyton." I whisper.

Her eyes fly open the minute I say her name. They are rimmed with red from crying. "Luke! You're home!"

"Yeah, I am." I smile and hand her the roses. "What happened? What's wrong?"

She sniffs the roses before placing them on the chair's arm rest. She licks her lips and shakes her head. "Nothing."

"Something." I pray that it doesn't have to do with me. Please, please…

"Where were you all this time, Lucas?" She doesn't seem angry but crosses her arms across her chest, waiting for my answer.

"I-I was with Brooke." This is it, I think to myself, I'm going to have to come clean.

"Doing what?"

I look around the room, trying to find the right words. My eyes land on a picture of our baby from the first ultrasound that we went to. Our son or daughter is in this very room with us, tumbling and stretching inside of Peyton. I think of the passage that Peyton read to me from one of her pregnancy books. It said something about how babies can hear everything, even before they are born.

"I was keeping her company, Peyton, like a good friend would. Her mother just died."

She breathes a sigh of relief and nods. "Right, of course. I'm sorry, Luke, it wasn't fair for me to accuse you of anything. I'm hormonal, that's all."

"Peyton, come here." I reach out my hand to help her to her feet. She hesitates but grabs my hand. I pull her up towards me and wrap my arms around her. "True Love Always, remember?"

"True Love Always." She repeats.

I scoop her up into my arms and carry her off to our bedroom. Brooke was right, sex doesn't fix any of this, but it will definitely help, I'm sure of it.

-X-X-

"What do you think she'll be like?" Peyton asks, watching her stomach heave and move as the inhabitant within stretches and rolls.

"God, I still can't believe it's actually a girl." I smile as Peyton pushes our daughter back into the middle of her stomach.

"I can't believe it's not a boy." She says shaking her head. "I was so sure…"

"You wanted a boy?" I raise an eyebrow. Peyton had never told me which sex she had been hoping for until now. Never would I have guessed that she preferred a boy.

"It's not that…" She says shaking her head. "I just pictured Jamie playing with a little _boy_ cousin."

"He can play with a girl too." I reassure her.

"I know that." She shakes her head and her eyes begin to well up with tears. "It's just that…Oh God, I can't explain it." The sobs started deep inside her throat and moved outward, until they erupted with every heave of her chest.

"Peyton," I say slowly, trying to find something soothing to say to her. "Peyton, what's wrong?"

She shakes her head and sighs. "Nothing, nothing, nothing." Then she jumps off of the bed, pulls on a t-shirt over her underwear, and runs out of the bedroom. Seconds later, I hear the bathroom door slam shut.

-X-X-

She locked herself in there and cried for a full hour before coming out, if only because she had tired herself out. Her eyes are red and puffy from the crying. I bring her a cold, wet towel from the bathroom and place it over her eyes. "What is it, Peyton? Was it something that I said?"

"No, it's not you." She says sourly. "It's…Brooke leaving without saying goodbye, it's the fact that I'm pregnant, and I'm not sure that I can do this."

"Do what? Have a baby?" I can't help but smirk. She drops the cloth and glares at me until I straighten my face.

"Be a mother, Lucas. What if I'm bad at it? It's not like I have a mother who can teach me about what and what not to do."

"You've got Haley and my mom. I can't believe that I'm saying this but I'm sure even Deb could help. Nathan survived his childhood without too much trauma, didn't he? Besides, you have me and we're going to be an amazing team."

"You've got a point there, about the team part. It's not like I'm in this alone, right?" Her eyes search my face with question. They seem to ask 'Are we going to be a team in this, Lucas?'

"Of course you aren't alone in this, Peyton. That baby in there is just as much mine as it is yours." I kiss her on the forehead and turn to pull my t-shirt over my head.

Thoughts of Brooke come at the oddest time. This moment, where I'm reassuring my future wife about our child rearing abilities, shouldn't be the same moment where all I can think about is her best friend. Still, all I can think is that Brooke is suppose to be the one lying beside me, asking me to remind her about how _she_ is going to rock motherhood. I've known it always; Brooke would be an amazing mother.

_-X-X-_

"I was thinking the beach." Peyton says, pulling the last sheet of chocolate chip cookies out of the oven. She has at least another six sheets worth of dough left in the glass bowl on the counter and was planning on making a big batch of chicken pot pies this afternoon. Her theory was that if there was enough food around the house after the baby is born, then we don't have to stress about cooking, and can instead focus all of our attention onto her. "That's where Nathan and Haley had their first wedding. It would be perfect to have ours on the same spot."

"Do you think that they would mind it if we used the exact same spot?" I ask, helping her move the warm cookies from the cookie sheet and onto the cooling racks. I break a cookie in half and handed her a piece.

She takes it without looking up at me, instead frowning in concentration as she drums her fingers on the counter top, "Well, it wouldn't be the _exact _same spot. They totally destroyed that part of the beach a few years ago, remember?" Peyton says before popping the cookie in her mouth and chewing quickly.

I do, in fact, remember that very clearly. Brooke took me to the same spot while we were dating in high school. It had been a few weeks after the double date that she had gone on with Chris Keller, Nathan, and Haley. She had told me that she wanted to be completely open with me about what that date had involved. This was not because she thought that I wanted to know but because she wanted to prove something to me. She wanted to prove that Chris hadn't done anything charming and that the only reason that she had slept with him was because of the drinking that they had done at the apartment.

Brooke…

"Yeah, I remember." I swallow and turn away from her, trying to hold my shit together. I find that staying composed and being involved in the preparations for the wedding and marriage is getting harder and harder. Part of me wants to scream at the top of my lungs that I'm just not ready and the other part of me wants to get it over with, just to spite Brooke for leaving.

Peyton comes to me from behind, wrapping her arms around my waist and planting a kiss on my shoulder. "I can't wait to be Mrs. Scott, Luke. If it was up to me, we would be married tomorrow."

I turn around and smile painfully. "It's not up to you, remember? It's up to our daughter."

Peyton rolls her eyes and smiles back. "Right, I remember, she is the one who won't want pictures of her mother walking down the isle very pregnant in a big white dress. Trailer trash, right?"

"How would you feel is your parents got married in a rush because you were coming soon?" I choose my words carefully. Since Peyton was adopted, her mother had never been pregnant with her, and so there technically couldn't have been a rush. Peyton narrowed her eyes, letting me know that she understood exactly what I said. "How would you know if your parents married for love? They could have easily married because of what they thought would be expected from them. Don't you want our daughter to look back at our wedding day and know that her parents loved each other? There is no need to get married right now when neither of us are mentally ready."

She takes a step back, letting her hands fall to her sides. For just a moment, she doesn't look like the adult that she is. For just a moment, Peyton looks like the little girl that I once knew her as. Her eyes are shiny and round and her mouth turns down into a pout. I now know what our daughter will look like. "I'm ready." She whispers, turning to leave.

"Peyton," I say with a sigh, following her. "Peyton, I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry, that wasn't right."

"You meant it." Peyton says stopping in the doorway. She crosses her arms and shakes her head. I don't need to see her face to know that she is crying.

"I know that you are ready to get married! Peyton, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking when I said that."

She turns around, opens her mouth just an inch, and shakes her head. "You forgot something." She says after a few seconds.

"What? What did I forget?" I almost scream.

"Are you ready to get married?" She asks, raising an eyebrow in question.

I look down at the ground, considering being honest with the mother of my soon-to-be firstborn. What could she honestly do to me if I said that I wasn't ready? She couldn't kick me out of the house, it still belonged to my mother. I think carefully about the things that Peyton could be capable of, if pushed to that point. Our daughter, I realize, is her only weapon against all of this. She could take my daughter from me. I knew that if the choice had to be made, the mother was more likely to get custody. I am also a struggling writer, with very little income, while her record label is taking off.

I also know, watching her talk day and night to her belly, that she already loves the baby inside of her more than life.

"Of course I want to get married." I say with a smile and walk forward to hug her.

-X-X-

Peyton calls me during basketball practice, letting me know that this is it. "It's still really early. The contractions are still far apart and I can handle the pain."

"I'll be there in ten minutes." I say, feeling my heart pounding against my ribs. This is it and it scares the hell out of me. I don't know if I'm ready to be a father quite yet.

"No, stay there and finish up. Like I just said, I'm not ready to go to the hospital quite yet. I'll call you again if anything changes."

"Peyton, are you sure you don't want me there at home with you?"

"Yes, it's fine. I'll be fine on my own." She says with a sigh. "Now, I'm putting down the phone and taking a shower, alright? I love you."

"Alright," I smile through tears on the other end. Blinking a few times, I finally squeeze my eyes shut and turn my back to the wall, just in case the boys look this way. "I love you too. You're about to be a mother, Peyton."

I know that this will be the happiest day of her life. As for me, I'm afraid that all this day will bring is more pain. Longing to have Brooke on the other side of the phone and the guilt that goes along with that is all that I can think about. I know that people would probably see me as a horrible person who doesn't deserve a fiancé or a daughter. What I say to those people is that I fully agree but what am I suppose to do about that? I'm doing my best with the life that I was given and I'm trying to do the right thing. I know that the right thing to do is to stay with Peyton and give all of my love to her and our daughter. There is no reason that the two of them should suffer along with me.

"You're about to be a father, Luke."

After hanging up the phone, I place both of my hands on the wall and push forward, leaning my head down between my arms. Today should be the happiest day of my life as well but I've never felt more miserable and alone.

-X-X-

Peyton insists on naming the baby Penelope, after Brooke. I want her to the baby after her mother, Elizabeth. We find middle ground, so when the baby is born; her birth certificate reads Elizabeth Penelope Scott.

"She looks like my birth mom." Peyton says, running a single finger from the baby's ear to her chin. Though it mortifies me, Peyton insists that she sleeps between the two of us. The first night, I didn't sleep at all, fearing my every movement could crush her. Then one night, after weeks of very little sleep, my eyes shut the moment my head hit the pillow. In the morning, I woke up to find our baby still in one piece, sleeping calmly in the curve of Peyton's outstretched arm.

"You really didn't hear her screaming last night?" Peyton asks me, lifting up her t-shirt to reveal her swollen breasts. Lying on her side, she pushes the baby closer, who latches on right away.

"No," I said, my ears burning bright red.

Peyton giggles and shakes her head. "You sleep like a baby while the _real_ baby of the house cries all night long."

"Maybe she'll be like her dad when she gets a little bit older."

I remember the weeks after Lily, my sister, was born. She screamed and cried constantly, causing me to become so tense that I could actually feel the muscles in my back tighten at even the tiniest whimper. And then when she was about six months old, the crying and screaming suddenly stopped. From then on, she slept right through the night, crying only out of hunger as the sun came up.

Peyton gives a dreamy smile and drops her head on the pillow. I watch her and the baby for a few minutes, finding myself completely amazed that they are my family now.

"Tired?" I run my hand through her hair. "How about once the champion screamer finishes up with breakfast, I take her into the living room so you can sleep?"

Eyes closed, Peyton smiles in response. She places a hand gently on the back of Elizabeth's head and rolls her onto her back. The baby seems much more content now, with a stomach full of warm milk.

I kiss Peyton on the ear and pick up my daughter, who weighs a little less than a bag of flour. Cradling her in my arms, the two of us leave her exhausted mother to doze off again.

"Elizabeth Penelope Scott." I say, watching her dark blue eyes roaming around the room. The two of us are sitting the couch. She is lying face up on my legs, both hands curled into tiny little fists.

It hurts to be reminded of Brooke every time I think of my daughter's full name. "Do you know who you're named after? Her name is Brooke Penelope Davis and she is your mother's best friend. Right now, she and her adopted daughter live in Las Angeles with a man named Julian. He is one of the men your mother has dated. I guess I shouldn't complain though because I dated Brooke at one point too. Strange how that worked out, isn't it? It all worked out in the end though. See, if I hadn't broken up with Brooke and Momma hadn't broken up with Julian then where would you be? I would go through all of that pain again if it meant that I get to keep you here with me."

I bend over and kiss the top of her head. "Remember, I love you more than anything in the world."

"More than anything, Lucas? That hurts a little, I think." Peyton says with a yawn from the door. She walks in and sits down beside me. With a kiss on the lips, she says, "Hello, husband." Then bending down, just like me, and planting a kiss on our daughter's forehead, she says, "Hello, baby girl."

"I think it's time for her nap." I whisper in Peyton's ear. She eyes me carefully, a smile creeping onto her face when she realizes what I actually mean.

"I think I agree." She says, lifting Elizabeth off my legs.


	3. Wish for Happiness

The third chapter! I promised that it would be out by today, so here it is. I'll post another one tomorrow and then it'll be a few days (friday) before the next. Again, I'll remind you that this is a Brucas story. Please don't stop reading! A few things still need to happen first. In the story, where I am in writing right now (won't say where exactly) it's getting _really_ good (aka BL)!

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**Wish for Happiness**

_Brooke_

I walk fast, trying to erase the image of Lucas's naked body, so close to my own, from my mind. The tears have stopped and are now drying on my face. It feels tight and dry whenever I move the muscles in my face.

_This will be the last moment that I ever see Lucas Scott. _This is what I think to myself as I lift the dress off of my legs, speeding up my walk as I make my way back to the car. I had driven here straight from the funeral, refusing to head home right away. I curse myself for allowing my mind to float towards Lucas and being near him, especially when I should have been mourning my mother' death.

_I'm at the beach, across from the bakery in half an hour. Please come. _

I had sent the text message as I had sat in my car, after the service was finished. I thought about going home, undressing, showering, and crawling into bed, but decided against it. Did I really need time to think over the past day's events? That wasn't what I wanted. All I really wanted was to feel loved again. My mother had gone years showing me love and now she was gone. I would never really know how much or how little she really felt for me. For the moment, sitting there alone in the car, trying to keep my breathing under control, the only thing that I was certain would make me feel better would be to have Lucas near me. That is why I texted him, asking him to join me. He had replied to my text message.

_Of course. _

For nearly ten minutes, I had continued to sit in my car, imagining the repercussions of my actions. If worst comes to worst, I had thought to myself, I'll end up telling him that I was still in love with him. The next day, my excuse can be that I did love him but only as a friend. I had felt emotionally drained from the day and had only said that because…I hadn't thought out a good enough reason just yet. I had been sure that the perfect reason would come to me on the spot, at that moment.

Now, after living through the actual repercussions of my text message, amazing sex, I find my initial prediction quite ridiculous. A proclamation of my love? It had gone a little bit beyond that.

Once I spot my car, at the far end of the parking lot, I breathe a sigh of relief. Soon, I will be able to curl up in bed, and sleep for an eternity. Nothing seems more perfect at this very moment. I pull up the dress higher and step up and into the car, throwing my heels on the back seat, and turn the key in the ignition. The car starts up with a gentle purr and I quickly pull out of the deserted driveway.

-X-X-

"I'm home! Sam? Are you here?" I call as I walk in through the front door, pulling it shut behind me.

"Sam?" I call again, dropping my shoes on the ground and running a hand through my wet and matted hair.

"Here!" She yells from her room.

"Just checking!" I call back dryly. I make my way to my own bedroom, feeling every muscle in my body ache, and drop down onto my bed. "I'm going to take a shower and then go to bed. Don't stay up too late, alright?"

I push myself off of the bed and walk over to the door.

"I won't! Goodnight!" She calls back as I close the door to any curious eyes or ears. Then I allow myself to cry into my pillow. I cry until I can't cry anymore. My stomach muscles beg me to stop by cramping and relaxing without permission.

"You are a stupid, horrible slut, Brooke Davis." I say to myself as I pull back the covers on my bed. "And you've never deserved him."

I turn towards the open window, staring out at the small town of Tree Hill. Closing my eyes on the world, I can only feel the humid summer wind brush my skin with sweet, gentle kisses.

-X-X-

I'm dead.

That is the only conclusion that I can come to. My body feels numb and frozen, except for the ringing in my ears. Cracking one eye open, I can see Samantha standing over my bed. Her arms are crossed over her chest and her foot is lightly tapping on the floor.

"I was wondering if you'd ever wake up again." She said tilting her head and kinking one eyebrow, just like me.

"How long was I out for?" I pull myself up and rub at my eyes with the back of my hand. It's light outside; the sun is streaming through the now closed window. I don't remember closing the window.

"It's almost dinner time. So, I guess for about twenty hours." Her eyes stay focused on me. I'm still wearing last nights dress.

"I'm starving." I say, placing a hand over my empty, growling stomach.

"The pizza I ordered got here about fifteen minutes ago." She says with a satisfied smile.

"Thanks." I mumble, pushing my hair out of my face. I can't imagine getting out of bed, even though I'm as hungry as hell. My mind wanders to last night, and the boy I had been seeing before all of this, "Has Julian called?"

Sam shakes her head and frowns. "Are you okay, Brooke? What happened last night?"

"Don't worry, I'm fine" I say, more to myself than to her. I turn my head towards the window, trying to hide the fact that tears are already streaming down my face. "Nothing important happened."

"Okay," She says turning. I'm still staring at the window, focused on the flock of birds that fly by. "Are you coming to eat your pizza?"

"Actually, I'm going to the store." I say, letting out a breath of air. "I'll stop and grab something on the way there."

I'm lying to her, and for once I don't care. The guilt that comes with lying to Sam doesn't compare to the guilt I feel knowing that I've destroyed so many relationships. Both Lucas's and my relationship with Peyton is forever ruined. I've lost my best friend and this time, it's my own fault.

-X-X-

Julian hugs me and doesn't say a word until I'm finished crying. Then he blurts out: "I love you,"

"What?" I say pulling away, my eyes growing big and wide with shock. We're sitting on his bed in his hotel room. "How could you?"

"I just do." He shrugs, "See, your problem, Brooke Davis, is that you don't see yourself the way other people see you. I love you because you're smart, and self-less, and kind, and funny, and confident, and _human_. You make mistakes, hurt people, and even fall in love with the wrong person."

"Do you believe that Lucas is the wrong person?" I ask, clasping his hands in mine. It's as if I'm afraid that he'll disappear any second.

He sighs and nods. "Let me put it a different way. I know that I can make you happy and that you can love me if you're given enough time. I believe that the two of us make a pretty good pair. _That_ makes me the right person for you, Brooke Davis. Therefore, Lucas h_as_ to be the wrong person, right?"

I smile and nod, even though I'm not so sure about this concept. "Right,"

He pulls me into his chest and hugs me once again. "I know that you love him, Brooke, and that your heart is broken. I've been there before. Please, I don't want you to feel pressured into feeling anything for me. I'll be here as a friend for you, if that is what you need but will you and Sam still come with me, to Las Angeles?"

I nod again, this time without hesitation. I _really_ need to get away from Tree Hill. "Yes, Julian, I will."

-X-X-

"Do you agree?" Julian grabs onto my arm and shakes me gently. "Brooke? Brooke?"

"What? What did you say?" I don't know how much time has passed. My mind is still swimming in the fact that Lucas is now officially a father. The pictures that Peyton emailed me are beautiful. There were a few of all three of them, the baby alone, and plenty with Lucas holding his new daughter.

The two of us are walking through the isles of the supermarket. Whenever he has time off, Julian spends it with me. Our relationship has remained steady for the past six months. Upon our arrival in Las Angeles, Sam and I rented our own apartment twenty minutes from Julian's apartment.

Even though he didn't like it, Julian and I remained just friends for the first six months. I'm not ready to date yet, I told him multiple times. I know that it sounded as if someone had died and I was still going through the mourning process but that was how I felt. Truly, I was mourning the loss of the best and greatest love of my life.

My body and mind ached for Lucas. Not just sex, which had only happened once in the last six years, but also for our conversations. Everything with Julian was perfect, or nearly so, but there was one important thing missing. In the years we had dated and then the years that we had not dated, I was constantly longing to know what was on Lucas's mind. This had been the reason for our breakup, along with his need to discover love with Peyton. When we weren't together, I needed to talk myself out of phoning him, just to see how he was. Now, on the other side of the country, I still felt that same ache throughout my body in knowing that I would never again get to share that intimacy with him. Lucas now belonged to someone else. I had already accepted the fact that Lucas and I would never be together again.

I have taken him shoe shopping, to meetings for _Clothes over Bros_, and now, for the first time, grocery shopping. I stop in front of the salad dressings, frowning hard in fake concentration.

"I said," He steps in front of my view and pushes my hair out of my face. "I think you and Sam should come and live with me. Do you agree?"

"Like a family?" I watch his face, so happy at this idea; turn concerned as he seems my eyes grow large with panic.

"Yes, I guess it would sort of be like a family. Is there something wrong with being a family, Brooke?"

I quickly shake my head. "No, of course not. I just need to talk to Sam about it." Of course, there is, I think to myself. My family was supposed to be with Lucas Scott.

"Right, of course. When she says yes, you'll do it?" He narrows his eyes and a smile spreads across my face. He knows my answer before I even say it.

I smile, even though I feel like crying, and squeeze his hand. "Yes, I will."

We kiss and when he pulls away, he also turns to read the names on the salad dressing bottles. After a few seconds, he takes the Ranch dressing and drops it in my basket. "Just so you know, I refuse to buy anything that says _Lite_ or _Reduced Fat_."

"Oh, well that explains alot." I pat him a few times on stomach teasingly. Julian is lucky enough never to worry about his weight. Looking at pictures of his high school years, his body hasn't changed at all.

I asked him once if he had what people would consider 'good genes'. He just laughed at this and shook his head. "You'll remember me telling you that my mother was a nutritionist? I grew up around her always shooting down shit like that. There is only one kind of skinny gene, Julian, she would say, and they fit snuggly around your ass. Yes, she would continue, if you're fifty or a hundred pounds over weight, it's because you simply eat too much. Remember, you can be as skinny as you want to be." At the time, he had smiled at me and patted me gently on my backside. "The only good gene I have is my mother's common sense and do you know what my common sense tells me, Brooke?" With this, he had bent down and kissed me. "I was meant to fall in love with you."

The two of us giggle as we move further down the isle. A couple, with a little girl and a baby move past us, in the opposite direction. The little girl is holding her dad's hand while the baby, sitting in the shopping cart, is watching his mom make funny faces. I smile and turn to check my list of things to buy. I catch Julian out the corner of my eye, watching me carefully. "We could have that, you know."

I giggle and shake my head before turning to look at him, trying to look as serious as possible. "Julian, no matter what you do, Sam will never hold your hand while we shop."

He laughs and loops his arm around me waist. "How about a little baby to make funny faces to?"

I groan and roll my eyes. The sight of the little baby only brought back memories of sweet little Angie and the short time I had been given to spend with her. What I would give to have that back… "Don't temp me."

"I'm not joking." He turns me around to face him and rests his hands on my hips. "You can have anything you want, Brooke."

"Really?" I can't imagine the two of us, living under the same roof, with a baby of our own. Deep down inside, I know that this is not what I want. It's what Julian wants.

"So you're moving in and we're having a baby?"

"How about we move in first? Then we can see if we're ready for something more. We could start with a fish. Then move on to a dog. Then, and only then, will I consider something more serious, like having a baby. Okay?"

"You know what I think?" He laughs and kisses the tip of my nose. "I think we'll skip the fish and the dog and move right on to the baby, okay?"

I turn from him and close my eyes, picturing the two of us with a daughter or a son. Julian seemed so excited about the idea of starting a family with me. I loved Julian and because of that, I wanted to make him happy. A baby would make him happy. If he is happy, then I might be happy. "Okay."

-X-X-

"How would you feel if we moved in with Julian?" I drop a pancake onto Sam's plate and turn back to the stove. "He asked me last week but I said that I needed to ask you first. I would totally understand if you didn't want to move again. It's almost a year since we left Tree Hill and I feel like we just started getting settled. "

She frowns and shakes her head. "Are you crazy? Of course I'd be fine with it! You and Julian belong together."

I smile, a little disappointed at how easy that was, and nod. "Okay, good. I'll let him know."

"Brooke?" Her voice seems far away when she speaks again.

I clear my throat and turn back to her. "Yeah?" As I turn, I raise my eyebrows.

"How would _you_ feel if we moved in with Julian?"

I'm a little taken back and I blink a few times, trying to figure out exactly what she is asking. Then I reply, "I love Julian, Sam, and it's time to move forward with our lives. So I'm okay with moving in with him. In fact, I'm more than okay with it. This is going to be perfect."

"That's right." She smiles and turns her head to look out the window. "Perfect."

-X-X-

"I've been thinking." Julian says, turning to face my as he takes off and folds his jeans. I take a minute to admire the muscles in his legs. Sam and I moved in with him two days ago and things have been going great. Julian's apartment is big, three bedrooms and three full bathrooms, and there is plenty of room for all of my things as well.

"Hmm?" I say moving forward and running my hands down his bare chest.

"I think you should sell your house in Tree Hill." He says quickly and waits for my reaction.

I raise an eyebrow and drop my hands. "Oh."

"It's not that I don't trust you. I know that you've said many times that you are done with Tree Hill and all that." I know that the _all that_ is meant to suggest the part involving Lucas "You'd never move back there without me." He says nervously, sitting down on the bed beside me.

"I never accused you of not trusting me." I whisper, frowning as I look down at my feet. I lick my dry lips and continue, "I guess it wouldn't make sense to keep a house that I don't plan on using, right?"

"Exactly." Julian says, sounding relieved that I agree with him. "Then you wouldn't feel tied down somewhere else."

"Julian." I say with a sigh and tilt my head. "It's just…it's _Tree Hill_."

I expect him to understand what I mean by those few simple words. It's Tree Hill. Of course I'll always feel tied down there. The multiple times that I had shot down the tiny town was out of anger and frustrations with how things had turned out in my life. I wanted to convince myself that I was done forever with Tree Hill. Now that my depression and anger has died down, my mind has also gotten clearer. Now I understand how I really still feel about Tree Hill. It's where I grew up.

"What? L.A can't be your new home?" He seems confused and I realize that where this is going is not good.

"Tree Hill will always be home." I say with a sad shrug, missing home more than I have in months.

"So what does that mean?"

"It means" I turn towards him, "that I don't want to sell my house in Tree Hill."

"I'm not moving there, Brooke, or even visiting again. That's not my past and it's not my future either. The bullshit and the drama that comes along with that little town is something I don't ever want to experience again."

I narrow my eyes and move an inch away from him on the bed. "That bullshit and drama led you to me."

"I know that and I'm so happy that I found you." Julian seems to realize that I'm getting angry. "But Brooke, moving back or even visiting is only going to stir up trouble. Don't you realize that?"

"I'm not selling the house." I get up from the bed and move to the closet. "And I'm not done with Tree Hill, either."

I reach in and grab one of Julian's t-shirts. Dropping my black skirt and frilly red top in the hamper, I pull on the t-shirt quickly, before making my way back to the bed.

"Then I guess that I'll stay here with our kids whenever you jet off to the East coast." He says and I shoot him a look. We have been trying for two months and nothing has come from it. I _really_ don't appreciate Julian bringing up future children that don't even exist yet.

"Our _kids_ would be coming with me." I shoot back, "I want them to experience Tree Hill."

"Why, Brooke?"

"It's important to me, Julian." I say, shaking me head. "Why should they get to experience Las Angeles but not Tree Hill?"

"Because I thought we were done with Tree Hill." He almost yells, seeming frustrated that I don't understand where he is coming from. I do, in fact, see everything. Julian is afraid that I want to go back to Tree Hill because of Lucas. I want to reassure him that there is nothing to be afraid of. That I'm not in love with Lucas anymore and that, remember, Lucas is married with a kid. Though something tells me that I can say all of this and more but it won't change what he fears.

I shake my head and get under the covers, pulling them high up, until the only thing showing is my head. Julian climbs in beside me, looping his arm around my waist in an attempt to pull my closer. I let him do this, until the two of us are spooning.

"I guess I changed my mind." I say quietly, closing my eyes.

Some time later, as I'm drifting on to sleep, Julian whispers something in my ear.

"What else have you changed your mind about, Brooke?"

This question causes my eyes to pop open and suddenly, I'm not tired anymore. Still, I snuggle closer, sighing deeply, pretending to fall asleep. What else have I changed my mind about? Right now, that's a damn hard question to answer.


	4. Almost Married Life

Here you go! Just as I promised. Sorry if there are a few spelling mistakes in this one. I didn't really have alot of time today to read it over again. It's also a little bit shorter. Anyway, enjoy!

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**Almost Married Life**

_Lucas_

-X-X-

Peyton's back is turned to me and her hair, back to curly because she has no time to straighten it, is sprayed out across her pillow. Elizabeth, who is eleven months old now, is sleeping in my old room.

She flips onto her back and sighs before grabbing the old magazine that is sitting on her night stand. While flipping through it, she asks, "What do you think Brooke is doing_ right_ now?"

I laugh and close my eyes, trying to picture her. In my mind, she is sitting beside me and her face is deep in concentration. _I love _you_, not Julian_, she finally says. _I love _you_, Lucas Scott._ I open my eyes and swallow before answering. "Probably at some crazy up-scale party where all everyone ever does is complain about not having enough money."

The magazine comes down hard on my chest and Peyton frowns. "That's my best friend you're insulting, Lucas Scott."

I smile and tickle her side. "I know Brooke isn't like those people. She remembers where she comes from."

Peyton nods. "I miss her."

I put my arm around her and kiss her on the head. "I miss her too."

I rest my hand on her thigh, patting and squeezing it as I think. "Maybe we should wait a little while before getting married."

Peyton stays quiet, but puts the magazine away.

"It's not that I don't want to marry you, Peyton. You know that I do."

"What is it, then? Haven't we waited long enough? We've been engaged for almost two years, Lucas!" She runs a quick hand through her hair, pulling the curls straight for a second before allowing them to bounce back into place. She takes a deep breath through her nose before continuing. "I don't mean to sound like some crazy, wedding obsessed bitch."

"You're not a crazy, wedding obsessed bitch, Peyton." I whisper, not knowing what else to say but the honest truth. Well, sort of. "I'm the one who isn't ready. It's my fault."

"I know." She nods and throws one of my pillows onto the floor. "And I'm just not ready to be in the same bed as you right now. I'd like to sleep alone tonight, if you don't mind."

-X-X-

Peyton is in Seattle for two weeks visiting Mia. That was where she moved with Chase early last year, after he proposed. She had declined, claiming that she wasn't quite ready to settle down, but had agreed a month later to move with him across the country. Personally, I hadn't understood what had drawn her towards the idea of moving instead of getting engaged. It reminded me a little bit of what Brooke had been through since high school. Chase had asked Brooke a similar thing right after graduation. Instead of marriage, he had given her a promise ring before she had moved to L.A with Peyton. I suppose it was meant as a way to remind her that sooner or later, he was going to propose, and to get used to the idea. Peyton told me that the second he had cracked open the velvet box, she had snapped it shut between her thumb and forefinger, shaking her head. And that was how their relationship had ended. When Peyton had told me the story, I could help but feel that part of it was my fault. I had made her weary of opening herself up.

I'm watching Elizabeth attempt to empty out Peyton's record collection on the one wall of our living room. Her short legs prevent her from destroying anything above the first row of shelves, and she is forced to work with the few, already scratched records that Peyton leaves on the bottom shelf for her to play with. I sit on the couch, recording her every movement with my video camera for Peyton, as her fat little fingers work their way into the sleeve of one record as she attempts to pull it out. "Elizabeth, look over here!" I call over to her. She turns her head and smiles. She drops the record on the floor and begins crawling over toward me. "This is what your daughter does when your not here, Peyton. She turns into a Daddy's Girl." I say in the background for the camera, keeping the image on our daughter, as she crawls into my arms.

I put the video camera away and turn my full attention to my baby. She snuggles into me and I wrap my arms around her warm little body. It makes me nervous knowing that she seems more affectionate toward me, a man, than Peyton, a woman. "You really love men, don't you?" I say to her. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you were meant to be Brooke's daughter."

With this, I close my eyes and allow myself to cry, for the first time this year, for what was meant to be but never was.

-X-X-

"It's not like I'm abandoning my family, Peyton!" I yell, watching her ironing Elizabeth's tiny jeans and shirts in the living room. "I'm just asking for a little bit more time."

"More time. Is that what you're after, Lucas, really?" She says, shaking her head skeptically.

"Is that so hard to believe? I'm barely twenty five, Peyton. I never thought that I would be married before thirty." I say, not really thinking about whether this was actually true or not. By the look on Peyton's face, I realize that maybe I should have thought twice about my words. She purses her lips and blinks a few times.

"What about Lindsay?" She murmurs, dropping her eyes to the tiny black shirt in front of her that says 'I love Momma and Papa.' in neon pink writing.

_Shit_, I think to myself.

I hadn't thought about Lindsay, our engagement, and our almost-wedding. Then I thought back to the night that I had proposed to her and smiled to myself. Lindsay had found the ring that I had wanted to use the first time I had proposed to Peyton. At that point, I had figured that I loved her and who cared about pre-planning and right timing. Maybe this was how things were suppose to work out.

I was very, very wrong.

"Peyton, did I ever tell you about the night that I proposed to Lindsay?" The smile on my face grows bigger as I realize that I just might have perfect proof after all.

-X-X-

"I'm sick and tired of this." Peyton says going through all of her clothes. She grabs a few shirts and two pairs of jeans, stuffing them quickly into the suitcase in front of her.

I try to calm her down, the tears are already running, but it's no use. She has been like this for a while and I think that she had finally cracked. "Peyton, you can't just pack up like this."

She shakes her head and places a hand on her hip. "I'm going to visit Brooke, whether she likes it or not."

I smile and nod. "Okay, fine, but I'm coming with you."

I want to see Brooke so badly that it hurts to think about _waiting_ to see her. It's been too long and now that Peyton has also realized the hole that Brooke has left, I have my chance. No one can accuse me of feeling anything other than friendship-love for Brooke Davis. "Who would watch Elizabeth?"

I shrug, "She's coming with us. Brooke has yet to see our daughter."

"I don't want to take a one year old on a plane, Luke. I know that Brooke hasn't seen Elizabeth yet but she will soon, once I can convince her to move back here."

"Haley could watch her." I am beginning to panic. I need to see Brooke even more than Peyton does.

Peyton shakes her head, rummaging through her underwear drawer. "Haley and Nate are taking Jamie to see her Grandfather, his great Grandfather, who lives in Texas. Supposedly he's on his deathbed or something."

"He picked a terrible time to start dying." I mumble to myself. I can the edge of Peyton's mouth twitching with a slight smile. She stops packing and walks over to where I'm standing. She loops her arms around my neck and kissed me passionately. I hate myself for not enjoying our kisses the way I used to.

"Stay, Luke, and I promise that I'll bring Brooke back with me." Her eyes are pleading for me to let her go to her best friend. I nod, because I know how easily one can love a girl like Brooke Davis.

-x-x-

"Mommy is going to miss you so much!" Peyton says, covering Elizabeth's stomach with kisses. Her daughter wiggles under Peyton's lips, screaming like crazy.

Peyton kisses Elizabeth once more on the forehead before turning to me with a small smile. She points to the door of our daughter's bedroom. _Let's talk outside._

We walk out and close the door gently behind us, leaving a tired and cranky baby to soothe herself to sleep. "Are you going to be okay on your own?" She asks, leaning against the wall. She seems nervous about leaving me for two weeks.

"Peyton, we will be fine without you." I try to smile reassuringly and move to give her a kiss. We stand close together for a few minutes after the kiss, listening to each other's breathing.

"I love you." She whispers, placing a hand on my chest.

I breathe in, out, in, and then out again. "I love you, too."

And then she kisses me again, this time a little bit more urgently. It's not just a kiss, it's a question. I answer her by moving the two of us to our bedroom, where we undress each other, one piece of clothing at a time. I start with her emerald green tank top, pulling it over her head and dropping it at the foot of the bed. Next, she unbuttons my shirt, leaving it on and open for a few minutes, as she plants light kisses down the center of my stomach. I unbutton her jeans and let them fall to the floor in a pile. She steps out of them and moves to unbutton and unzip my own jeans.

After a few more minutes of removing under wear, I find myself in between Peyton's legs, biting and licking my way around. She lifts up her pelvis and cries out for me to get down to real business. I follow her orders, although I know just how much she loves it when I tease her.

I hover above her for a minute and I have a flashback to the beach with Brooke, almost exactly a year ago. I had wanted her that night because I loved her. Now, here with Peyton, I didn't feel that same _need_ to be with her. I was doing what _Peyton_ wanted. It wasn't mutual.

My mind wanders to Brooke and how she feels touching and being touched by Julian. Has she grown to love and want him? Probably, I realize. Brooke hasn't so much as sent me an email since that night. Outgoing and confident, Brooke Davis now loves Julian more than she had ever loved me. I know that she has moved on.

Deep down inside, at this very moment, thinking about these two women in my life, I know that this moment is form of a goodbye. The only question is, who am I finally saying goodbye to?


	5. Goodbye

Here is the next chapter. Sorry that it's been a few days. I'm busy getting ready to start school soon. Why does summer have to pass so quickly? Anyway, I'm TRYING to read as many books as I can because I know that soon I will hardly have enough time. I'm also forcing myself to read through the entire manual to my new DSLR camera and then, of course, write more chapters to this story! This is the chapter that you've been waiting for.

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**Goodbye**

_Brooke_

-X-X-

"You bitch!" Peyton screams, throwing her hands around my neck. "Brooke Davis, I've missed you like crazy!"

"I've missed you too." I say, pulling away and trying to smile. It's been much easier having Peyton living on the other side of the country. Now, she is much too close for comfort. Having her here, not only hugging me, but staying in my house for two weeks makes me nauseous with guilt.

"I'm sorry, this must be such a surprise. I didn't even tell you I was coming. Also, I'm sorry I didn't visit sooner." She drops her bag on the floor, following me through to the kitchen. She looks around, at the hardwood floors and marble countertops that Julian had insisted on when we went house shopping, and smiles. "Everything you own, everywhere you go, Brooke Davis, is gorgeous."

"You like it all?" I say motioning to the paintings on the walls. Julian had them delivered a week after we moved in. "Hard to believe, but I had nothing to do with it. It was all Julian."

Peyton nods, walking from one painting to another. "Julian always did have good taste. He picked both of us, didn't he?"

I try to smile but it comes out a little bit lopsided. Why did Peyton and I have to fall for the same guy, twice? It helped to explain how close we had been all those years. Even though she loved her music and I loved my clothes, we were always more similar than we realized. "Yeah, he picked both of us."

Peyton had apologized for surprising me with her visit. Little did she know that four hours earlier, Lucas had called me for the first time since I had left Tree Hill. He had called me to warn me that she was coming.

"Hello?" I had said, picking up the phone after the third ring.

"It's me." He said hesitantly on the other side of the phone. "Lucas."

I swear I almost dropped the phone at the sound of his voice. I couldn't believe it. He was phoning _me_? The many possible reasons behind the phone call went through my head at that moment. What did he want? Was he phoning to invite me to their wedding? Was Peyton pregnant again? Was someone dead? Or maybe, just maybe, he was phoning to tell me that he was divorcing Peyton for me. What would I do if he was willing to be with me, instead of Peyton?

"Lucas, it's been a long time." I said, a smile instantly appearing on my face. "It's good to hear from you. Is something wrong?"

"No, not really." He said with a sigh. I could hear a baby screaming in the background. Elizabeth. "I just thought I should warn you, is all. Right now, Peyton is on the plane headed to LA right now. She's coming to surprise you with a visit."

"Peyton's coming here?!" I screamed into the phone. Oh God…"Why the hell would she do that?"

"I don't know, Brooke, maybe she misses you?" He sounded frustrated and tired. Was life with Peyton not turning out the way he had hoped? "She also plans on kidnapping you and driving you back here. I'm just warning you so that you can prepare."

"Thank you." I meant it with all my heart. Only Lucas knew the reason that I hadn't been back in a year. Only Lucas understood why seeing my best friend wasn't a good thing. "It's good to hear your voice, Luke."

"It's good to hear your voice, too, Brooke Davis." He said softly. We stayed quiet for a few minutes, listening to each other breathing. "I miss you, you know."

I was very, very aware of the _I_ that he had slipped in. I swallowed, trying to clear my throat "I miss you too."

"I'm so sorry that things have to turn out this way, Lucas." I said, not sure exactly what I even meant by that. Was I sorry about what we did at the beach? Was I sorry that I wasn't with him instead of Julian? Or was I sorry that I wouldn't, _couldn't_, go back to Tree Hill.

"Do you regret it, Brooke? What we did that night?" It's the first time that either of us has mentioned what had happened that night.

"Sometimes," I said honestly, "Most of the time, though, I don't know how I feel about it all."

"Yeah," He said with a sigh. I wondered if that meant he agreed with me. "How are things going with Julian?"

I was surprised how quickly he had changed the subject. "Good. Great, I guess."

"Are you happy?" He asked bluntly.

I am, I felt like saying just to hear his response. The truth was that part of me was happy with Julian. That part broke my heart. The other part felt miserable. I _wanted_ to be with Lucas. "I don't know anymore," Was all that I said.

"You deserve happiness, Brooke." He said, his voice cracking slightly. Even without seeing his face, I _knew_ that he was crying.

"Luke," I said softly, wishing that I was closer to him. I felt like wrapped my arms around him, trying to soothe him. "It's okay."

"It's not, Brooke." He said, the sniffling getting louder. "It's never been okay."

"What am I supposed to do, Lucas? There is nothing that either of us can do to change things." I said, trying not to get angry. A little bit more gently, I added, "There isn't, Luke."

"There is something we can do, Brooke." His voice was almost a whisper. I felt my stomach turn and tighten and I felt like I was about to throw up. "We can tell Peyton the truth."

-X-X-

"Motherhood." Peyton says, beaming as she takes another bite of her ice cream. She has been here two days, and has turned me into a total food junky. We eat pizza, burgers and fries, and of course ice cream every single day. "I never thought that I wanted to be a mom. You know that. I didn't want what happened to me, losing my mom, to happen to my children. Then I got pregnant! Brooke, I love that little girl more than life itself. I didn't realize that you could love someone this much."

"What about Lucas? Didn't you ever feel that way with him?" I keep my eyes on my own bowl of ice cream, breaking the scoops into smaller and smaller pieces.

She shrugs and begins to do the same as me; keeping her eyes on her ice cream. "I do feel that way. I love him so much. He makes me so happy. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy."

"What?" I looked up, instantly curious. "What is it?"

"It's just…I don't know if I make _him_ happy. He seems so depressed all the time. It's almost as if someone died."

I swallow, feeling the ice cream churning in my stomach. "I thought it was the mother who got post partum depression." I try to crack a joke to hide how I'm feeling.

Peyton laughs nervously, "Right, that _must_ be his problem." She shakes her head, "He told me that he didn't want to get married _right _now. Can you believe that? After all the time we've spent together and not together and finally together again, he wants to _wait_."

"He must be crazy." I mumble.

Peyton stays quiet for a second. I let my eyes travel back up from my ice cream. She is staring out the window, a single tear rolling down her cheek. "Or maybe there is someone else."

My heart stops beating and I close my eyes, feeling the blood drain from my face. My mouth feels dry and I take a bite of my ice cream before trying to speak. "Peyton…"

"I know, I know, I'm the crazy one, not him. Brooke, do you think that he would cheat on me?"

My mouth drops open slightly and I must force myself to shut it before she notices, "No, Peyton, I don't think he would."

-X-X-

A few days later, I wake up in the morning with a migraine. I groan and cover my eyes with my hands, trying to block out the sun that is streaming through the window.

"Good morning," Julian says, leaning over and kissing me on the top of the head.

"Horrible morning." I say, rolling over onto my stomach.

"Headache, again?" Julian says sympathetically, rubbing his hand up and down my back.

I nod and keep my eyes closed. For the last few days, I've had a headache on and off. I'm sure that having Peyton sleeping in the same house as me probably hasn't helped. She keeps me busy, with shopping trips and trips to Universal Studios and Disneyland to buy toys for Elizabeth.

"Would this help?" Julian brushes away the hair from my cheek and plants a kiss on my skin.

"No, not really." I flip over and prop my head up with a hand. I look him in the eyes and try not to start crying. I keep thinking about how my phone call with Lucas had ended.

"There is something we can do, Brooke." Lucas's voice was almost a whisper. I felt my stomach turn and tighten and I felt like I was about to throw up. "We can tell Peyton the truth."

"We can." I say, agreeing.

"Does Julian know?" He asked.

"He's known from the beginning." I answered with a nod.

"And he is still willing to be with you?" He seemed surprised by this.

"Yeah," I said softly. "Julian is a pretty amazing guy. He really doesn't deserve to be hurt."

"You can't just stay with someone because you're afraid to hurt them, Brooke."

I nodded. "I know, I know." I seemed to have two choices. Either my happiness or Julian's.

"Do you love him?"

I took a deep breathe, allowing the question to float around in my mind. "I think I love him. No, I _know_ that I love him. But I also _know_ that I'm not in love with him."

"How do you know that?" I could hear the smile on his face.

Here can the moment of truth. I can't help but smile myself "Because I'm _still_ in love you, Lucas Scott."

"And you can't be in love with two people at once?"

I shake my head, even though I know that he can't see me. "I think you can. But not with the way that I feel right now. Oh God, I love and miss you so much. I've never felt this way about anyone but you."

"I'm still in love with you, too, Brooke."

I smile again, feeling tears sting my eyes. I've waited so long to hear that. "This isn't good for anyone." I point out.

"Except for the two of us. It isn't good for anyone except the two of us." He clears up and I agree. We finished up with out plans to tell Peyton the truth. I agreed that it would be best if both of us were present. That way, we could do it as a team. I also agreed, though I felt horrible about it, that I would break things off with Julian before going to Tree Hill with Peyton. It wouldn't be fair to be in Tree Hill with Lucas before ending my relationship with Julian.

Now I look at the man I was about to break. He seems so happy, being in bed with the woman he loves, and I feel _my_ heart break into a million little pieces. "Julian, I'm pregnant."


	6. To You

I've already convinced many of my friends to read a certain series that I am in love with. Twilight, you are all probably thinking. Nope. The series that I am talking about is Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. Oh man, it is Twilight times a billion. No vampires but a Scot named Jamie (even better than Edward, if you can believe that) and some time traveling (not alot). Not only is the story unbelievable but the writing is amazing. Read them if you haven't already.

Anyway, here is the next chapter! If you ask nicely, I'll post the next chapter tomorrow. This one leaves you with a bit of a cliffhanger.

* * *

**To You**

_Brooke_

-X-X-

"I'm pregnant." I repeat again, as I see his eyes grow bigger. The tears are now streaming down my face at the thought of what else I am about to say to him.

"We're having a baby?" He says, his own eyes filling with tears.

"Yeah," I say, hating myself for having to say it. It is the truth, though, but I hate it. "I found out yesterday, while you were at work. Peyton and I went to the drugstore and bought a pregnancy test. I knew even before I took it, though. I'm two weeks late, my boobs hurt, and these headaches." I close my eyes once again, wincing at the pain.

"This is amazing." He says, moving in to kiss me. I pull away and shake my head.

"Wait, Julian, I'm not done yet." I stay quiet for a few seconds, trying to find the right words. "Julian, you've known this since the beginning. I'm still in love with Lucas."

"What?" He frowns and shakes his head. "No, you love _me_."

I nod, "I do love you, Julian, I do. That is why this is so much harder. I love you, Julian, but I'm not in love with you."

"You chose to have a baby with me even though you're in love with someone else?"

I take a deep breathe and nod again. "I thought that Lucas loved Peyton. I thought that he didn't feel the same way about me. Julian, you loved me, and I thought there was no one else who felt that way about me. You wanted a baby and I loved you too. Why wouldn't I give that to you?"

He shakes his head, looking crushed. "How…How do you know that Lucas is in love with you?"

"He phoned me to warn me about Peyton coming. That was when he told me." I didn't want to get into the details of our phone call. It would only hurt Julian more. "And I realized how badly I had screwed things up with you. I should never have led you to believe that our feelings were mutual."

Julian gets up, pulls on a t-shirt and jeans over his boxers, and walks out the door.

-x-x-

"You're moving back to Tree Hill?" Peyton says, jumping up and down. She grabs me around the middle, squeezing me as hard as she can.

"I can't breathe!" I manage to get out. She lets go and looks me in the eyes. "Julian agreed to this? Didn't he say that he hated Tree Hill?"

I nod. "I'm not moving with Julian."

Peyton frowns and states the obvious, "But you're having a baby together."

I nod again, feeling another headache coming on. "I'm not in love with him, P. Sawyer. It wouldn't be fair to either of us if I stayed with him."

Her eyes grow big from shock, "Where did this come from? Since when have you felt like this?"

"For a while, actually. I felt so alone and I hoped that in time, I would fall in love with him." I shake my head, "I realize that I'm never going to feel that way about him."

"This is big, Brooke." Peyton says, truly concerned. "What about the baby?"

"We haven't talked about that. Julian walked out this morning after I told him everything. I don't know if I want to keep the baby yet or not. Would it be fair to the kid to be born to two people who aren't even together?"

Peyton shrugs, "Would it be fair for the kid not to be born at all? Besides, Brooke, remember when you couldn't stop talking about being a mom? Remember Angie?"

I nod, thinking back to that sweet little girl. God, I missed her almost as much as Lucas. "Yeah, maybe this is my chance to finally be a mom."

Peyton smiles, squeezing my shoulder. "It's the best thing in the world. There is nothing else like it."

-X-X-

It's nearly three in the morning when Julian is finally home. He walks into our bedroom, standing a few feet away from me. It's dark and all I can see is his silhouette against the faint light from the hallway.

"Why, Brooke?" He slurs. I can smell beer and cigarette smoke. He's been out drinking. "Why would you do this to me?"

"You're drunk, Julian." I whisper, hoping that he doesn't wake up Sam and Peyton.

"And you're a heartless slut." He yells, stumbling over onto the bed. He sits on the corner, looking down at the ground. "I want a divorce."

"We're not married." I point out.

"Then I want you out of my house." He mutters.

I've never heard him this angry and hurt before. Julian has never been the type of guy to kick someone out of their house. "What about Sam?"

I already know how angry Sam is going to be when she finds out that I'm breaking things off with Julian. She was always our number one fan.

"Sam can stay if she wants to." He whispers.

"I'm her foster mother, Julian. She needs to go back with me. If you kick me out, we're leaving with Peyton tomorrow afternoon."

He mutters something about me also being the mother of his child before dropping onto his back on the bed. I shake him a few times, trying to wake him up, but he is out cold.

"I'm so sorry, Julian." I whisper, kissing him on the forehead, before covering him with a blanket.

I spend the rest of the night sleeping in Peyton's room. She lets me cry in bed beside her for a few hours, before finally telling me to shut up and sleep. I continue to let the tears fall, knowing that in a few days, Peyton is going to hate me. Again, I realize how she must have felt in high school when she had started an affair with Lucas. Even though it didn't make what either of us has done alright, I now understand how terrible the guilt can be.

Around seven that morning, when everyone including Julian is still asleep, I decide to take a walk. The only person I can imagine talking to right now is Lucas. He can always make me feel better.

"Pretty girl." He says after two rings. "I can't wait to see you."

I swallow, feeling a wave of nausea come on, before I answer. "Luke, don't call me pretty girl."

"Why not?" By the sound of his voice, he knows something is wrong.

"I'm pregnant, Luke." I say, trying to hold back tears. "I'm pregnant and I'm a terrible person because of it."

He takes a deep breathe and lets me cry for a few minutes before talking. "Brooke, Brooke," He says softly, "I love you and it's okay. We'll figure this out together."

"I love you too but it's not okay, Luke. I could never ask you to raise Julian's baby with me." I walk past an old lady walking two miniature poodles. She raises what is left of her eyebrows and shakes her head as she continues to walk on.

"Brooke." He laughs on the other end. I don't get it. "Brooke, you'd be helping me raise Elizabeth, wouldn't you?"

I never thought of it that way. If we were together, Lucas would also have another child to deal with. "Yes, I guess I would."

"And you'll love her as if she was your own, right?"

His voice seems to calm me and I've stopped crying. I dry my face with the back of my hand. "Of course. She has my two favorite people in the world as parents."

"And I'll love _your_ baby, Brooke, because I love you."

-X-X-

I left Julian, who was still asleep when we left the apartment, a letter telling him what I planned on doing. This baby was still _our_ responsibility. However, I would be living in Tree Hill. Julian was welcome to visit as often as he liked.

I would also be back in a few weeks to help sell old furniture and bring Sam back with me. Sam had convinced me to let her spend the remainder of her Junior year here with Julian. It was a relief to know that while I was clearing up the impending drama in Tree Hill, Sam would be far, far away.

I drop my bags in the back of my SUV and climbed into the driver's seat. A few minutes later, Peyton climbed in beside me. "Road trip!" She said bouncing up and down beside me.

"A very, very long road trip." I say with a sigh, thinking about the next few days I would be spending in a car with Peyton.

"Come on, I cancelled my flight back to Tree Hill for this trip. Don't ruin it." She pats my thigh as I pull out of the driveway. I glance back once at the home I had shared with Julian, saying goodbye to a major chapter in my life.

We drive through the night, each taking a two hour shift. We stop for breakfast at a cheap restaurant by the side of the road. I order French toast and waffles and drown them in syrup. Peyton orders pancakes but doesn't follow me with the syrup. We talk about anything and everything. She tells me about how it felt being pregnant for the first time and then giving birth. I listen quietly, keeping one hand low on my stomach. When she is finished talking, I tell her my fears about motherhood. Will I be good at being a single mother? Will my child be angry that his parents aren't together? Am I going to fail?

"You're going to be amazing, Brooke." She says softly, patting one of my hands on the table.

I smile, trying to look somewhat happy, and realize that soon she will be singing a different tune. I can almost hear her screaming that I'll be a terrible role model for my baby.

"You're an amazing best friend, ." I say, looking her straight in the eyes, and meaning it.

She looks a little surprised at what I've just said but after a few seconds, her mouth curls up into a smile. "So are you, Brooke Davis."

-X-X-

I look to my right to find Peyton passed out on her seat. The sun is slowly setting and I can feel my body slowing down. I have another hour before its Peyton's turn and then I can sleep for an hour before we are home.

I decide that now would be a perfect time to call Lucas. The whole time I've known Peyton, she has always been a very deep sleeper. Once her eyes close, she is out like a light. I reach into my purse in between our two seats, keeping one eye on the road in front of me.

I push four on my speed dials, Lucas and Peyton's house number, and he picks up in a matter of seconds. "Brooke?" He sounds so hopeful and happy, I can't help but smile.

"We'll be there in about two hours." I take a quick glance at Peyton and feel sad that our last road trip is coming to an end. I was dreading it but actually, it was fun spending time with her. It reminded me of our high school days.

He breathes out and laughs nervously, "So it's almost time?"

I swallow and nod, "It's almost the beginning of the end of the world."

"It's almost the beginning of the rest of out lives." He says, correcting me.

It seems strange to me how quickly Lucas and I have come back together. Last week, I hadn't spoken to him in a year and now, here we are, talking about spending the rest of our lives together. A little over a month ago, I was also making love to Julian, planning and hoping for a baby. Now here I am, knocked up and leaving him behind. None of this makes any sense. I am hurting so many people just so that I can have _my_ happy ending. Julian and Peyton had also wanted their happy endings. Peyton's happy ending was with Lucas and Julian's was with me, or so he believed. I am taking that away. I am breaking _so_ many hearts. "Lucas, I don't know how I feel about what we're doing here."

He stays quiet for a few seconds. "What do you mean? We're doing what we can to be together."

I shake my head, feeling the tears well up in my eyes. "No, Luke, not like this. We can't do it like this. It isn't right."

I try to blink the tears away so that I can see the road better. I reach down again into my purse, digging around for a tissue.

I can hear honking near by and big, bright lights shining in through Peyton's side. Looking up, I see that I'm driving through an intersection of sorts. In my state of blurry vision, I had missed all of the warning signs.

The pickup truck hits us on Peyton's side, spinning us off of the road. I try to brake but realize that there is no use. My brakes aren't enough to overpower the force with which he hit us. All we can hope for is a relatively soft landing. The ground begins to slope down at the edge of the road and it almost feels like we are falling. I know that we will soon be rolling, even before we begin to.

-X-X-

I can feel that my eyes are swollen mostly shut. It is a struggle but I manage to open up one eye. I don't know how long I have been passed out for. Seconds? Minutes? Hours?

We're both still in the car, strapped tightly down by our seat belts. I can hear Peyton breathing hard beside me and I reach out a hand to grab onto hers. I squeeze tight and she lets out a moan. Her arm must be broken.

"It-It's okay." I manage to say. It's not true but it's the only thing I can think of. It wouldn't help if I said, "We're screwed."

There is a sharp pain traveling from my stomach down both my legs. I let out a breath and reach down, feeling the beginnings of something warm and sticky running down my leg from under my skirt. _My baby_, I know.

I try to breathe through the pain, turning my attention back to Peyton. "Hold on." I say and her breathing begins to slow. "Just hold on." I repeat.

"Elizabeth," Peyton murmurs. I can hear sirens in the distance and people running towards us. We'll be safe soon.

"So soon. You'll see her so soon. Just hold on." I squeeze Peyton's hand once more, but this time she doesn't make a sound. My vision begins to cloud over, but not from tears. "Just don't leave me," I manage, right before my head hits the deflated airbag.


	7. We Did This

Chapter 7, as promised! I can't believe that The Time Traveler's Wife comes out tomorrow. Wonderful book. It's also a book that you need to read atleast once. I'm really hoping that the movie does it justice.

**

* * *

**

**We Did This**

_Lucas_

-X-X-

Brooke dumped me over the phone. She was driving to be with me and she dumped me _hours_ before she reached Tree Hill. I keep thinking about her words and even though I'm angry, I know that she was right. I love Peyton and this isn't fair to her. We couldn't just believe that things would work out fine. You can't hurt so many people and _truly_ live happily ever after. It just isn't possible.

I'm sitting on the plush green rocking chair in Elizabeth's room, rocking her to sleep. The soother in her mouth is moving up and down as her eyes slowly close. She looks so much like Peyton when she sleeps. Her blonde hair has grown considerably in the last few months. The curls have become more pronounced, causing her hair to stick up around her head in a tiny baby afro.

Peyton likes to gather a few curls and ties the bundle together with bow. She does this a few times, until Elizabeth's head is covered in little bows. I would take pictures, reminding Peyton that she was going to hate us when she got older.

Peyton would laugh and say that parents only got so many years of total control over their children. In a few years, Elizabeth would want to choose her own hair styles and clothes. She was just enjoying our daughter's age.

-X-X-

I manage to fall asleep holding Elizabeth and am woken up a few hours later by someone ringing the front door bell. Elizabeth makes a sound and her eyes slowly open. I keep her in my arms, rocking again, as I make my way to the front door.

When I pull the front door open, instantly I know that something is wrong. The two men in front of me went to high school with me. By the sullen looks on their faces, I know that I didn't do something wrong. Something has happened. "Lucas, there was an accident outside of town. A truck hit them...most likely drunk…Brooke and Peyton." One of the police officers, Adam, tells me. I try to listen, I really do, but I only seem to catch a sentence here and there "They rolled…Peyton didn't make it."

I nod, feeling some comfort from the weight of my daughter's sleeping body in my arms. Nothing happens for a few minutes. The guys wait for me to say something, anything, but all I can seem to do is stare down at my daughter. _Our _daughter. _Peyton's_ daughter.

"Can you hold her for a minute?" I ask Adam, before handing off the baby to him. Her eyes pop open the second she is in his arms and her legs begin to kick in protest. I walk past them and lean over the edge of our porch before I empty my stomach on Peyton's roses. Then I crumble down onto the floor and begin to cry.

_We did this_, I think to myself. _Brooke and I killed Peyton._

-X-X-

Tree Hill was the closest town. The ambulance had to drive all the way there and back. When they reached the two of them, Peyton was already gone. There was nothing that anyone could have done to save her. Brooke was unconscious, but her pulse was strong and she was still breathing. They had raced her to the hospital and were able to get her stabilized. She cracked two ribs and fractured her femur. She lost a lot of blood and was bruised all over. None of this mattered to me though. I was just happy that she was alive. Unlike Peyton.

Haley and Nathan meet me at the hospital. They are both crying. I hold Haley, struggling to comfort her when I can't even keep myself together. I am the first one to go in and see Brooke. Her leg is in a cast, she has a few bandages on her arms, and is covered in bruises. Her eyes are closed although the nurse had said she had woken up about ten minutes earlier. I walked slowly forward, trying to keep my tears under control, and sat down on the chair beside her bed. Her eyes slowly open, look me up and down, and close again. "Brooke?" I ask, wondering if she had fallen asleep again.

Her eyes open again and this time I realize she is also crying. She moves a hand over her stomach and closes her eyes again. I reach down and grasp that hand, holding it tight. "You'll have children someday, Brooke, I promise."

She nods her head and her eyes open again. "I'm so sorry." She croaks.

"It wasn't your fault, Brooke." I guess it hasn't settled in that Peyton is really gone. I still feel like I should call her to tell her the good news. Brooke is okay, I want to tell her.

We stay like that, without saying another word to each other, for a few minutes until Haley comes in. I get up, allowing Haley to sit beside Brooke. They cry together again and Haley says the same thing, "It wasn't your fault, Brooke. This isn't your fault."

I walk out and realize for the first time that a little boy is waiting patiently by the door. Crouching down to his height, I pull Jamie into a hug. "Aunt Brooke is going to be just fine." I whisper in his ear and I rub circles on his back.

He nods and begins to run my back as well. "I know that, Uncle Lucas, but are you going to be okay?"

In any other situation, I would laugh and be proud of how smart my nephew is. Only, this isn't the time to laugh, so instead I just shrug. "I don't know yet, bud."

"Is Aunt Peyton up in heaven with Quinton and Uncle Keith now?" He asks me.

I nod, trying not to imagine Peyton up _there_, where she didn't belong yet. "Yeah, I guess she is."

"Isn't she going to miss you and Beth?" Jamie has called Elizabeth _Beth_ from the beginning. He tried calling her by her full name the first few days but couldn't make it out right.

"I'm sure she will." I say with another nod and get up from my crouch. I'll leave the rest of his questions for Haley and Nathan. I begin to walk back into Brooke's room, when Jamie calls after me.

"Uncle Lucas?"

I turn and try to smile, "Yeah?"

"You better be okay." He says, very seriously, "Aunt Brooke needs you."

-X-X-

We leave Brooke to sleep after about an hour. She didn't say much and I don't blame her. She must feel as horrible as I do. They were driving back to Tree Hill days earlier than Peyton had planned. They were driving back so that we could break Peyton's heart. Now Peyton is dead and Brooke's baby is gone.

I pick up Elizabeth from Mouth and Skills apartment before heading home. It's strange to watch a baby, who continues to giggle and smile away, unaware of the death of her mother.

I feed her dinner and put her to bed early. I haven't cried since picking her up and now, sitting alone on our bed, looking at our closet, I lose it. I cry for hours, thinking about both Peyton and Brooke. The two women I love, either dead or broken. This should never have happened. Brooke had been right. We couldn't believe that our happy ending was possible this way. She had been more right than she had even known at the time.

Lying there, on my side, smelling Peyton's perfume on the bed, I realized that Brooke hadn't actually dumped me on the phone. I remember her voice on the phone. She sounded as if she was about to cry. That must have been when it happened. She couldn't have seen what was coming. _I_ was distracting her.

-X-X-

I go to Haley and Nathan's house the next day. Right now, I really need to talk to my best friend. When I show up, I realize that she looks as bad as me. Her hair is disheveled and she isn't wearing any makeup, as she sits on the couch staring at the television screen. It's turned off.

"It's my fault, Haley. I killed Peyton." I say, beginning to cry again.

She snaps out of her trance and stares as me, shaking her head. "No, Luke, you didn't kill her."

"I thought that I needed to be with Brooke. We, Brooke and I, decided that we wanted to tell Peyton about how we felt about each other. We wanted to tell her that we slept together last year."

Haley bites her lip and sighs before speaking, "Lucas Scott, would you believe me if I told you that I've known this all along?"

I blink, my mouth falling open slightly, "You knew that I cheated on Peyton?"

She shakes her head, "I didn't know the _details_. All I knew was that _something_ must have happened. Brooke has loved you _forever_. Everyone except you and Peyton seemed to know that. She left with Julian without as much as a goodbye. _You_ looked like death afterwards." She shrugs, as if this was always obvious, "Something must have happened."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" I should have known that Haley would be the one to figure it out. She knew Brooke and I so well.

She shrugs. "It wasn't any of my business. I was actually interested in seeing what you would end up doing. You've held out pretty long."

I nod. It hasn't been easy holding out. "I didn't want to hurt Peyton."

She smiles and pats me on the leg. "And you didn't, see? That seems to be the only good thing that came out of all of this. Peyton died happy."

"Except that I wouldn't marry her." I murmur.

Haley nods, "That doesn't matter. She knew that you loved her. She probably believed that you just needed some time. I think she would never have stopped waiting for you."

"I lied to her."

"You protected her. You gave her a wonderful life and a beautiful daughter, Luke." Haley hugs me and we both just cry for a while. Finally, she pulls away and looks me in the eyes, "I think Peyton would understand if you and Brooke took care of each other now that she is gone."

I nod, even though I'm not sure that Brooke still wants me. Would waking up next to me every morning make the guilt too much to handle? Did we even deserve any kind of happiness after what we did?

-X-X-

Over the next week, I try to visit Brooke everyday. On the third day, I bring Elizabeth with me, to meet Brooke for the first time. Brooke holds her and gives her kisses on her curly head. She cries but doesn't talk about it. In fact, she hardly says a word. I had hoped that she would open up to me and tell me how she felt. Nope, I apparently don't deserve to know how she feels.

Finally, as I'm about to leave, I decide to take the first step. "I'm in love with you, pretty girl." I say before turning to walk out the door.

She gives me a sad smile and nods, before replying with a: "I know, I feel the same way."

I go back and kiss her for the first time in over a year. She wraps her arms around me and holds onto me tight. "I wish you could rescue me from this place." She whispers in my ear.

"I will." I promise. "I'll rescue you a hundred times over. I'm never letting you go again."


	8. More Fair

Here is the next chapter. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! It's all very encouraging. Enjoy!

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**More Fair**

_Brooke_

-X-X-

"Henry! Henry!" I yell, taking my hands off of my eyes. "Ready or not, here I come!"

I run through the house, lifting up blankets and pulling open doors. I finally find him lying face up in the bathtub, smiling away.

"I told you I would find you!" I say, tickling his stomach until he starts screaming and squirming. "Momma finds everyone!"

"Momma never found Elizabeth." He says sitting up in the bathtub. He looks like he could be Lucas's son, except he isn't. His sandy blonde hair and light blue eyes match his stepfather's exactly.

"Well, Elizabeth doesn't stay in one spot for more than a minute." I lift him up into my hands and bounce him a few times on my hip. "She likes to play by her own rules."

At the very moment, Elizabeth walks into the bathroom, and smiles. "That's not true, Momma!"

"It is and you know it, little lady." I bend down and wrap my arms around both of my children. I give them each a kiss on the cheek and I show them just how much I love them. "I love you this much!" I say, sticking my arms out on both sides.

It is at this point that I wake up. The dream is different every night. Sometimes Lucas is with us, sometimes he isn't. Both Elizabeth and the other baby are always present. Sometimes the baby is a boy and other times it is a girl. The names are constantly changing.

-X-X-

Peyton's funeral is the day after I leave the hospital. Lucas is amazing. He makes sure that I'm dressed and ready on time. Wearing the cast on my leg makes getting dressed and going to the bathroom on my own almost impossible. That is why he does everything for me.

I feel so guilty, thinking about what we did to Peyton. No matter how many times people remind me that her death was not my fault, I will always feel responsible. How could I not?

Lucas comes early on the day of Peyton's funeral to help me dress. It's awkward getting undressed in front of him, even after everything we have been through together, and I ask him to turn around as I slip off my bra. "Close you eyes!" I yell, as he grabs hold of both my arms to steady me.

He chuckles, "Brooke, I've seen you naked plenty of times."

I shake my head, not wanting to state the reasons why I don't want him looking at me. I don't want him picturing what I would have looked like if I was still pregnant. Not to mention that the bruises are turning from purple and blue to yellow and brown. It makes me look even sicker than I am.

I pull my arm away from his hand and run it through my hair. It's gotten unbearably greasy in the past week, even with my attempts at washing it in the sink. I sigh because I don't really care about what my hair looks like anymore. Lucas notices my face and nods. "I have an idea." He says, moving me towards my bathroom.

"What? Lucas!" I scream, as he plops me down onto the toilet. I try to cover up by crossing my arms, even though Lucas doesn't seem to pay much attention to what I look like. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Just sit there for a minute and be quiet, alright?" He says, before turning back to the sink and starting the warm water. He adds two squirts of body wash and mixes it in until bubbles begin to form. Then he bends down and checks under the sink, taking only seconds to find what he is looking for. He grabs a sponge, one that is still left over from when I would bathe Angie in the sink, and drops it into the water. Then he takes it out, squeezes it a few times, and moves back towards me. Then he pulls me into the shower, "You should feel clean for your best friend's funeral."

"I don't want you to give me a sponge bath." I say, crossing my arms in front of my chest again. I can feel tears sting my eyes at the mention of the day's event. For a while, I was able to pretend that today was just like any other day. I was going to see my friends. Nothing out of the ordinary.

He sighs and shakes his head, "Brooke, why not?"

I grab the sponge out of his hand and turn my back to him, "Go away, Lucas." I whisper, trying not to let him see my tears.

Lucas leaves the bathroom without another word. It's not what I wanted from him but I would never say this. I want to get over Peyton's death and be the Brooke that I used to be but I just don't have the energy. I don't know if I'll ever have the energy to heal and turn this experience into something good.

I lean my head against the wall and begin to cry. I don't know how long I stand there before Lucas is behind me again. He takes back the sponge, wets it in the sink again, and squeezes out the water against my back. He draws shapes, up and down my back, with the sponge, until I turn around. Without a word, he continues to move from me to the sink, until he has washed everything but my hair and the cast on my leg. "Now, bend over." He murmurs.

My eyes grow big and I shake my head, "Lucas Scott…" I begin, not knowing if I should be happy or upset.

He shakes his head at me and laughs, "No, I'm going to wash your hair. You can stand up straight, if that's what you want, but then I can't promise that your cast won't get wet.

I nod before bending over, watching him stand to the side as he turns on the water in the shower. He goes slowly, running his hands through my hair, adding shampoo, rinsing, adding conditioner, and then doing a final rinse. He does it all with such care that I begin to cry again.

"What?" He says, stopping and pulling me up. "What is it?"

I shake my head, "Nothing." How would I explain the way I feel to him? There are too many emotions, happy and sad, traveling through me that no explanation could cover it all.

Lucas nods and turns off the water. He jumps out, grabs a towel, and wraps it around me.

He helps me dress and sits on my bed, watching me as I put my makeup on. Some time later, as I'm straightening my hair, he asks, "Do you even want to be with me, Brooke?"

I turn, tilt my head, and try to smile, "What do you think?"

He shakes his head and laughs, "I don't think you know what you want anymore."

I raise my eyebrows, "And do _you_ know what you want?"

He nods but doesn't say anymore on the subject. It doesn't matter, though, because his eyes say it all. He wants _me_.

-X-X-

"How are you doing?" Julian asks, looking nervous as he fidgets with his black suit.

"I've done better." I give him a half smile and point to my leg. The wheelchair is annoying but so much easier than trying to walk on crutches.

"I'm sorry about the baby." He murmurs, with a slight nod.

I nod back and shrug my shoulders. I hope he believes that it's not really a big deal. It was hardly a baby yet. "It was probably for the best." I say, feeling like crying again, but forcing my face to stay straight. "How the hell could I take care of a baby when I can't even take care of myself? I mean, I'm crashing cars and killing people. What kind of mother would I be?" It had started out as an attempt at a joke. Now I can feel the tears running down my face and there is no stopping them. "Terrible. I would be a terrible mother."

Julian bends down and pulls me into a hug. I feel awkward, knowing that Lucas is probably only meters away, talking to someone else before we all walk into the church. Even though I don't know how Julian still feels about me, I hug him back, happy that he doesn't seem angry anymore.

"I'm going to miss that baby just as much as you will." He whispers before pulling away and giving me a small smile.

Lucas interrupts us with a slight nod. He turns my wheelchair away from Julian, preventing me from seeing his face one last time.

We sit up front, next to Haley and Nathan. I don't listen to a word that is said until it is my turn to speak. I shake my head at Lucas, who is standing and is ready to carry me up to the front. "I can't," I mouth to him. Even though I had plenty of time to think about what to say while I was in the hospital, I hadn't prepared a thing.

Lucas nods, accepting this, and walks up to the front. He takes a few seconds to wipe his eyes and clear his throat before beginning. When he does, the shaky sound of his voice almost breaks my heart. "I don't know if I believe in God. I don't know if I believe in Heaven." He shrugs and looks down at me. "Can Peyton really hear and see us? Part of me hopes that she can't. I wouldn't want her to be angry, hurt, or disappointed in the people that she left behind. There is only one thing that I am sure of. She would have rather had our daughter live without her than live without our daughter. All I can do now is honor her memory by loving our daughter twice as much. If you can hear me, Peyton, I promise that I will love and miss you forever."

Lucas steps down and sits beside me. He holds onto my hand and intertwines his fingers with mine. It feels strange to hold his hand but I don't move to pull away. If it makes him happy, then I'll do it.

Haley goes up next. She smiles down at us and waves at her face, trying to dry the tears. "I've always loved school and teaching." She nods, "Peyton knew that. I told her this same story after her mom died and I think that she would have wanted to me share it today."

I glance at Lucas to see his expression. He shrugs, letting me know that this wasn't something Peyton had ever told him. I shrug back. I don't know this story.

"I've always loved the idea of a supernova. It can happen when a star dies. It's rare but when it _does_ happen, it's magical. The star will explode into many different colors of light, shining through an entire galaxy. It's beautiful. Peyton was as rare and special as the stars that turn into supernovas. Even though she is gone, she will never be forgotten. Her light will continue to shine on. Because of this, I know that Elizabeth _will_ grow to know and love her mother."

I put my head on Lucas's shoulder and begin to cry. I cry for myself, Lucas, and Elizabeth, but mostly for Peyton. This day came years too early.

-X-X-

Afterwards, Larry comes up to me. He seems to have aged ten years since I last saw him. When did I see him last? Larry, like my own father, had been merely a speck in my childhood, _our_ childhood. Peyton and I seemed to share a childhood.

"I should have been Peyton's family all those years but I couldn't." He closes his eyes and shakes his head. He lost the love of his life, Peyton's mother, and I couldn't bring myself to be angry at him for never being there. "I'm glad that she had you to take care of her. Thank you, Brooke."

I nod and hug him again, "Your two girls are together now, Mr. Sawyer."

"I know," He says, patting me on the back, "I know."

-X-X-

Lucas drops me off at my house. I had told him that I wanted to be alone for once. For the last two weeks, I have been surrounded by doctors and nurses. I just want to be alone. He agreed but promised that he would be back early tomorrow morning. Now, sitting up in bed, watching him watch me from the doorway, I don't want to be alone. "Luke, I changed my mind."

He smiles the biggest smile I've seen in years. It's the day of Peyton's funeral and I want to end it on a happy note. "I was hoping you would change your mind."

We don't do anything but sleep. I'm still sore and bruised all over, not to mention trying to get over the death of two, and don't feel like doing anything but sleep. Lucas rubs my back for me and stays quiet for the most part. It's close to three hours later, when the two of us have woken up again, that he finally speaks. "What are you thinking right now, Brooke?"

I sigh and shake my head, "I'm thinking about how life isn't fair."

I can't see his face. I'm lying on my side, facing away from him. "It is fair, Brooke."

"How?" I roll myself over and I can see the small smile on his face. "How can it be fair? Life is constantly ruined by _death_."

He touches my face with the tips of his fingers, "They left me with your shadow, saying things like life is not fair and I believed them for a long time. But today I remembered the way you laughed and the heat of your hand in mine and I know that life is more fair than we can ever imagine if we are there to live it."

I begin to cry and Lucas pulls me closer, "Who wrote that?" I ask.

"StoryPeople." He laughs a little and shakes his head, almost embarrassed. "I gave my mom the picture with those words on the first anniversary of Keith's death. It fit well, I decided."

"It's beautiful." I say with a nod back, trying to get my crying under control. "And very true."

Some time later, Lucas speaks again, "I don't know what I would do if I lost you, Brooke." I can hear how close to tears he is.

I stay quiet, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. I think about Peyton's heart, and my baby's heart, slowing down, struggling to continue, and then finally giving in. Someday, I think to myself, my own heart will stop, just like theirs did, and all of this pain will be gone.

Lucas squeezes me tight and kisses the top of my head, "I could lock you up in the house for the rest of your life. I could make you stop driving places. I would do everything in my power to keep you safe."

I shake my head, thinking back to the wise words he had spoken only minutes ago, Life is more fair than we can ever imagine if we are there to _live_ it. I dose off for a few minutes, finding myself holding a tiny, plump baby who has my eyes.

-X-X-

We don't spend a lot of time at Lucas's house. I hate looking at the home where Peyton spent her days and nights, not too long ago. She had no idea what was coming. No time to say goodbye to the people she loved. She will never have the privilege of experiencing all of her daughter's first. First step, word, day of school, boyfriend, or child.

I hate and love the fact that I am the one who was home alone with Elizabeth when she begins to walk. She is on the other side of the living room, bending and straightening her fat little legs as she holds onto the sofa. All of a sudden, she turns toward me and lets out a cry. I call her name, clapping my hands a few times for encouragement. She lets go of the couch with one hand, then the other, and begins to slowly make her way towards me. I move closer, knowing that she probably won't get far, but she passes right by me on her way to the other sofa. I watch as she stumbles, and almost falls, before grabbing hold of the sofa. "Elizabeth! You did it!" I cheer, hopping over on one leg to her and scooping her up into my arms. She giggles as I hold onto her tight. "Momma would be so proud."

When Lucas comes home, he finds the two of us fast asleep on the sofa together. My cheeks are still wet from the crying that I did after Elizabeth's walking, and he dries them with his shirt. He sits on the opposite sofa, just looking at the two of us, until I finally wake up.

"What?" I say, glancing down at the sleeping baby on my chest, before looking back up at him. "Why do you have that look on your face?"

"What look?" He says, smirking. "I don't have a look on my face."

I nod, trying to sit up a little, but fearing that she might wake up. "You have a look on your face."

He shakes his head and begins to laugh. "Do you know how often, while rocking Elizabeth to sleep, I would pretend that she was ours?"

I shake my head, placing a hand on her warm cheek, "How often?"

He sighs and shakes his head again. "Every day." Then he begins to cry, "I must be going crazy! One minute I'm laughing at how cute the two of you look and the next, I'm crying because I feel like an ass for thinking it."

"Luke." I say softly, deciding that it is my turn to tell him how I have felt for the past year. "Do you know how often I pretended it was _you_ making love to me? That it was _your_ baby I would be expecting?"

He gets up from the sofa and moves towards Elizabeth and me. Then he holds my head in his hands and kisses me, before asking, "Why the hell did it take us this long to admit how we feel about each other?"

"Peyton deserved her family." I decide, with a small smile.

"And now it's our turn." Lucas says, moving one of his hands down to his daughter's head, touching the blonde curls on her head. "We finally have a family, Brooke."

-X-X-

I'm asleep, curled up into a tiny ball on my bed, dreaming about everything that I've lost, when Sam walks in. "Wake up!" She calls from the door. "The house is burning down! The world ended five minutes ago, Brooke Davis, and you slept right through it!"

I raise my head and glare at her. "What is it?" I say, a little bit more sharply than I had intended.

She shakes her head and sits down on the edge of the bed. "I was just wondering if you wanted to do something with me. Anything. I'm feeling more than a little depressed with all of the curtains drawn shut. We need to go out and experience life!"

"Go ahead and experience it for the both of us." I say, dropping my head back against the pillow. "Besides, how much life can I experience when I can barely walk?"

"Come on," She says, pulling at my arm, "I'll help you change into something nicer. Maybe something that you haven't worn for three days straight. Then we'll go out and have ourselves a little adventure."

I groan but don't resist, as she pulls me off the bed and into the bathroom. I hop along, doing my best to keep from falling over. Sam orders me to wash my face and put a little bit of makeup on, so that I don't 'embarrass her'. She brings me a deep red wrap dress, giving my sallow looking skin a pretty pink tint. With the help of Sam, in about thirty minutes, I look and almost feel like my old self again.

She drives us in the baby blue Volkswagen Beetle that I bought her about a week ago. She had been upset that I had moved us yet again. I understood that it wasn't easy to pick up your life so often. Growing up, my parents had moved us around a lot as well and it was only right before my senior year that I had put my foot down. That was when I had moved into Nathan and Haley's old apartment. I was afraid that Sam would do what I did and try to move out, so I bribed her into staying here with a car.

When we had gone to pick out the car, I had mentioned that I had driven a baby blue Beetle when I was in high school. Sam had smiled and pointed to the car that looked so similar to my old one. "That's it, then." She had said, nodding her head. "That's my new car."

I also had to pick out a new car for myself, since my BMW SUV was beyond saving. I went through all the cars that they had there and almost settled for something similar. It was Lucas who convinced me to go for something a little bit younger. "I know that money can't buy happiness." He said, "But it can make you feel better, even if it's only temporarily. I think I know the perfect car."

He led me over to the silver Mercedes-Benz convertible. I shook my head, "_You_ want this car, not me."

He smiled, "Maybe." He pulled open the door and slid in. I decided to play along and got into the passenger seat.

"Look at it all." He murmured, running a hand over the wooden trim between the two seats, "I know that I love older cars but this is something else."

I shook my head again and sighed, "Fine, I'll take it. Will that make you happy?"

Lucas nodded and leaned over to kiss me. I turned my head away and his kiss landed on my cheek. "What's wrong?" He asks, frowning.

I shrugged, feeling like I was about to cry again. "Nothing, I just miss her, that's all."

He nodded and squeezed my leg, "So do I."

I try to look excited now, with Sam sitting next to me, but it's hard. Right now, I just don't feel like going out and enjoying myself. I would much rather stay in bed and sleep. It requires no energy or thought.

I close my eyes, loving the wind in my face, as Sam drives a little bit faster. When I open them ten minutes later, I realize where she has taken me. The graveyard. I turn to face Sam, shaking my head as I do this, and I realize that she is crying. "Sam?" I ask.

"I knew her too, Brooke, and I also miss her. But I also miss _you_."

"Sam, I'm still here." I say, a little bit unconvincingly. The truth is, I haven't felt like myself since the accident. It's almost as if I'm the one who died and am now drifting around as a ghost. I see everyone but I don't really interact with them.

"You didn't say anything at her funeral." She says, nodding towards the open fields, covered in headstones. "Now go and say goodbye."

I nod, feeling nervous. _What_ do I say? _How_ do I begin to apologize? Pulling open the door, I glance back one final time at Sam. "_Thank you_ for this." I say and mean it. Without her help, I would never have come here. I would never have said goodbye.

I find her grave beside her mother's. It was where she always said she wanted to be buried. She probably expected it to be in sixty years, not now. I trace the words written beneath her name with my finger: _Loving mother to Elizabeth. _

She would never have the opportunity to be more than just that. Her grave would never say: _Loving wife and mother. _She would never become famous, marry, or have any more children. Elizabeth would always be the only other name on her grave.

"Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer, my best friend, I'm so, so sorry…" I begin, saying the words that I couldn't say at her funeral. They were the words that I had wanted to say all along but not in front of others. Maybe this was how my final goodbye was meant to happen. It would always be just between the two of us.


	9. Moving

Chapter 9! Enjoy.

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**Moving **

_Lucas_

-X-X-

I can't stand walking past Peyton's hamper of dirty clothes every morning. It's just another reminder of a life that ended too soon, unexpectedly. She was supposed to come home to wash her clothes. I still remember the first time I threw one of her skirts in the dryer. It came out three sizes too small. Peyton was pissed. From that day on, I wasn't aloud to touch her clothes. "You're done. No more." She had said, holding her breathe as she tried to zip up the skirt.

It's only been a few weeks but I feel like I need to start doing something. I know that it will hurt to pack up her things but I also know that it will hurt _more_ to walk past her shit every day. She isn't coming back, and accepting that hurts more than I can describe, but I need to do _something_.

Brooke and I both sit on the floor, making three piles. One pile is going in the garbage, another will be distributed between family and friends, and the last pile is going to Elizabeth. Her pile is the largest of them all.

We know that Peyton would have wanted all of her music records to go to her daughter. The music will be Elizabeth's way of connecting and learning about the blond woman in all the pictures. She'll never get to meet her and have a real conversation with her. All that is left are pictures and memories. It will be up to us to share Peyton with Elizabeth.

Sometimes I will have a dream of the two of us, Peyton and I, old and wrinkly. For a short time, before I realized how I felt about Brooke, I had really believed that Peyton and I would get married, have plenty more kids, and grow old together. The image of the two of us, holding hands while we each sit in our own rocker, doesn't leave my mind no matter what I do.

"I understand." Brooke says, taking her hand and wiping the tears from the side of my face, "Sometimes I dream about Julian and our baby."

"It doesn't mean I don't love you, Brooke." I say, shaking my head, "I do, more than I could ever wish to describe."

"I love you too, Lucas Scott." And she kisses me, believing that she can heal us both. "And now you can dream about the two of us."

-X-X-

"Are you and Aunt Brooke going to get married?" Jamie asks me, allowing Elizabeth to have one big lick from his ice cream. I smile, wondering if a baby, almost a year old, should be eating ice cream. Peyton had always been the one to plan out her diet, introducing one food at a time. When she died, all of that went out the window. I have no idea what my daughter is or isn't allowed to eat. No one in either of our families had a history of allergies, so I was sure that Elizabeth would be fine. Still, this small responsibility that was now all mine, reminded me that my daughter no longer had a mother.

"I don't know yet." I say, bouncing Elizabeth up and down on my knee. It is warm out today and the sun is shining. I look down at the top of my daughter's head and realize, shit, I didn't bring a hat for her. She is going to be as red as a strawberry by the end of the day. I look over at Haley, who is sitting beside me, eating her own ice cream, "Hales, we need to go home."

"Which one?" She says, raising an eyebrow.

"Mine," I say pointing to my baby's head, "Elizabeth needs a hat."

She agrees and we quickly finish our ice creams before heading home.. I tell them to wait in the car, I will only be a few minutes, before I run into the house. I pull open the door to my old room and head straight for the closet. It's messy, Peyton was always the one to clean it, but I quickly find what I was looking for.

I pick a pink one with a white ruffled trim, to go with her dress, and that is when I notice the letter, tucked in behind her diapers. _Elizabeth_, it says in pink ink, written in Peyton's hand writing.

_Dear Elizabeth,_

_Happy six month birthday, my dearest baby! I can't believe it. You've grown from being the size of the tip of my pinky finger to a kicking, screaming, giggling little girl. I feel so lucky to call you mine. _

_I'm writing you this letter because I feel a little bit guilty. I never wanted to be a mother. My mother died, when I only a few years old, and then my birth mother died when I was seventeen. The only two women I would ever be allowed to call 'Mom' or 'Momma' left before I graduated high school. It hurt so much, both times, to know that they would never be able to teach me about life and motherhood. After Ellie, my birth mom and your namesake, died, I promised myself that I would never put another person through that pain. I promised myself that I would never be a mother. _

_Around the time that Ellie died, I realized that I was in love. Love, Elizabeth, is an amazing thing! I knew, right then and there, that I had found my soul mate. As you have probably guessed, my soul mate is your father. You come first in my life, Elizabeth, and I love you the most, but I've known and loved Daddy much longer. _

_Before I forget the reason behind this letter, I need to tell you something. Some people would call you a mistake. This is because you weren't a planned baby. But don't forget, Elizabeth, most babies are accidents. It doesn't matter, at all, if I planned to have you or not. The moment I found out that you existed, I knew that I was meant to be your mother. Just like Daddy is meant to be my husband and your father. _

_If you are reading this, then I'm gone, just like my mothers, and I am so sorry. I understand the feeling of having no where to go. The person who is supposed to protect you from getting hurt is the one who has hurt you. I really wish that this wasn't happening to you._

_I wanted to write this letter to you because I hope that you aren't afraid of motherhood, like I was. Don't be afraid of what might happen, Sweetheart. Chances are that your children will never have to experience this. Even if they do, it isn't the end of the world. They will have friends and family who will watch out for them. Right now, it might seem like life couldn't possibly go on, but there are so many other people in the world who love you and who will be there for you, that things will be okay. _

_Don't ever fear the future, Elizabeth._

_Love,_

_Mom_

I sit down on the floor and clutch the letter to my chest. It feels strange knowing that Peyton had written the letter only a few months before her death. Had she known that something was going to happen to her? This is one of the questions that I will never know the answer to.

-X-X-

I don't know how long I sit there before Haley walks in. "Jamie and Elizabeth are watching television in the living room. What is taking you so long?" She stares at the letter in my hand and says something I never expected her to say, "Damn it, Peyton, you never said that there was another fucking letter!"

My eyes grow huge. Haley never swears like that. "Another fucking letter? What do you mean by that?"

Haley sighs and sits down beside me. She pulls out an envelope from her purse. "She handed me this a few days after Elizabeth was born. She said that it was in case something ever happened to her." She runs a finger over it and begins to cry. "I thought she was crazy when she gave this to me, Luke. I thought that she had completely _lost_ it." Haley passes me the envelope, allowing me to see what it says across the front. In Peyton's writing, written in black, is my name.

I hesitate before opening it. I look at Haley and pass it back. "You read it." I say, holding onto one of her hands to control my shaking.

She nods and tears it open. "For months I've wondered if I'd ever know what she wrote in here. I considered opening it and resealing it just so I could satisfy my temptation. I finally decided that I would feel too guilty."

She clears her voice and begins to read from the crisp white paper that she pulled out. I close my eyes, trying to picture her face and remember her voice:

_Dear Lucas,_

_You are the love of my life, Luke, and I will love you until the day I die. Maybe even longer. Who really knows? I knew that you wouldn't understand if I told you beforehand that I was writing this letter to you. A little morbid, right? Of course, at this point, I'm already dead. I really hate the idea that I might die before my time. Hopefully you won't ever have to read this. That's what I'm counting on._

_You are probably wondering when I wrote this. I just got off the phone with you. I told you that I'm in labor. I said it didn't hurt too much; I can handle the pain. Surprise, I lied! It fucking hurts, Luke! But I wanted to be alone so I could write this. There is something I never told you. Remember, my birth mother died from breast cancer. During the years that the two of us weren't together, after high school, I had myself tested for the breast cancer gene. I wanted to know if my mom had passed this onto me. She did, Lucas, and now I know that my chances of getting breast cancer are very high. This also means that our daughter might have this gene as well. _

_I want to tell you that I'm going to miss you very much. It seems silly to imagine being dead and missing you but I know that I will. I will be dead and I will miss you. Please take care of our daughter. I've decided that we will name her Elizabeth, after my birth mother. It's a beautiful name, don't you agree? It makes her sound like she is destined for greatness. _

_Don't let my death hurt Elizabeth more than it needs to. Be a good father, Lucas. Don't be like my father and miss out on our daughter's life. You are her only parent now and you need to be there for her. Help her with her homework, let her have sleepovers, teach her how to play basketball, and tell her about us. Please, please, please, Lucas, keep yourself together for her. _

_I wanted to write this letter but I wasn't sure what to include. A real goodbye to you would be pages and pages long. How can I sum up how happy you make me in only a few sentences? It's simply impossible. I'm head over heels in love with you and I am the luckiest girl in the world. I want you to remember us forever, Lucas Scott, and love the perfect little person that we created together. Do that and I will feel like I made a difference in the world. _

_Remember, True Love Always,_

_Peyton_

Haley folds the paper before putting it back into the envelope. She places it gently on the floor and brings her knees up to her chest. I don't know what to say and it seems, neither does she. We just sit there, crying softly, for what seems like hours. The silence is interrupted by a scream from the living room. It sounds like Elizabeth and it sounds serious.

Both Haley and I run, forgetting our own pain for a moment. Elizabeth is sitting on the ground, face red and wet from crying, waving her hands in the air. Jamie stands a few feet away, his face pale.

"She wanted to play with Peyton's records. She started ripping at the covers." He says, pointing to the shelves of records. "I pushed her away, telling her that she shouldn't do that, and she just started crying."

I sigh and lift my daughter up into my arms. "It's okay," I whisper. A little louder, I say, "Jamie, its fine. I'm glad that you were looking out for Peyton's things. But Elizabeth can play with the records on the _bottom_ shelf. Peyton put those there just for her." I swallow, glancing back at the shelves. They would have to stay; no matter how miserable they made me, because now _all_ of them belonged to Elizabeth. Besides, I wouldn't feel right putting them all in storage.

"Jamie, I think it's time we go home." Haley said, reaching out a hand to her son. She looks at me, red eyes to red eyes, and tries to smile. "Uncle Luke needs to do some thinking."

"What kind of thinking?" Jamie asks, walking over and holding onto his mother's hand.

"The kind that requires some peace and quiet." She pats me on the back and kisses Elizabeth on the cheek before heading to the door.

Elizabeth is still crying and after checking the time on the wall, I realize that, luckily, it is nap time. Peace and quiet are only minutes away.

-X-X-

The two packs of beers that have been in my fridge since before Peyton left are now almost gone. It isn't as hard as I thought it would be, drinking until I feel like I'm about to explode, and I am finished in about two and a half hours.

Elizabeth hasn't woken up yet, luckily, which leaves me enough time to do the thinking that Haley had wanted me to do. I've known her long enough to understand what is on her mind by just looking at her eyes. Think about what is the best for your future, her eyes had said.

I'm lying on my bed, half asleep, when Brooke walks in. Elizabeth is in her arms, giggling as Brooke bounces her up and down on her hip.

"I hadn't heard from you all day. I thought you were dead. When I went into Elizabeth's room, she had stripped herself down to her diaper." She says with a faint smile, putting Elizabeth down on the bed beside me. I don't laugh or smile at her joke. She seems to get this and drops her smile. She sits down beside me, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ears. "Look, Lucas, we need to talk about something."

I sit up a little bit, feeling the room spinning around me. I try to listen to what she says next, even though I feel like I'm about to throw up.

"I always imagined how I would feel if someone close to me died. Peyton was usually the person I thought about. Sometimes it was you." She tilts her head and her eyes fill with tears. "Obviously, it's worse than I could ever imagine. There are things that you never think about. Like her daughter thrown into the mix. It hurts even more, seeing a mini Peyton everyday. You look at how full of life Elizabeth is and how impossible it is that her mother can be the complete opposite."

I put my hand up and stop her, "Brooke, we've talked about this before."

She nods and dries her eyes, "I know, I'm sorry, there is more. Everything hurts, Luke, and I don't want it to hurt anymore. I've thought about every single possibility that could fix how I feel; how we _both_ feel."

"Leaving isn't going to fix anything, Brooke." I say, closing my eyes to the spinning room. I know that I'm not being very sensitive but at least I'm making an effort to listen.

"Leaving didn't fix anything last time, I know. Besides, I would never consider leaving again." She smiles and takes hold of both of my hands.

"So, what did you have in mind?" I'm starting to feel excited, knowing that something good is coming my way.

"I want us, all of us, to move in together. Do you want to live with me, Lucas?" She says and waits quietly for my response.

"Yes, Brooke, of course I do." I kiss and hug her. I hope that Brooke is right, moving forward and starting our life together needs to help us feel better. "I love you."


	10. You're It

Final chapter. Please stay on the lookout for my next BL story. I'll be posting chapters in a few weeks.

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**You're It**

_Brooke_

-X-X-

At first, time seemed to move so slowly. I would count the days since Peyton died. It's been five days, I would think to myself. I've made it this far without her. Now, it's been over six months. Time has sped up once again and life continues. I hate that before I know it, I'll be counting in years. Lucas and Elizabeth moved in with us a week after I asked him about it. Sam moved upstairs and we put Elizabeth in her old room. It's easier having the baby right next door, while Sam will be allowed a little bit more privacy.

I spend most of my days drawing up sketches and running my company by phone and internet. It's hard being away from it all and I know that sooner or later, I will have to take a trip to Los Angeles or New York. Still, I'm really enjoying spending time in Tree Hill with all of my friends.

Both Jamie and Elizabeth are growing bigger and older before my eyes. They, along with Lucas and Sam, are the ones that make me get up in the morning. The world isn't dead, I continue to remind myself, and neither am I.

I've been trying to decide where my life is headed. Will we all just continue to pretend to be one big, happy family? It's hard picturing the four of us in a year, still living in this house, still struggling. That is what things feel like right now. I'm in the freezing ocean and I'm struggling to keep my head above the water. The water is _so_ cold that my legs are cramping up and my skin is turning blue. I'm exhausted and I would give anything for a short break from the swimming.

The worst part is I know that no one can rescue me from this. The only other person who might have been able to save me is Lucas but I know that he can't. He's swimming right beside me. At least I'm not alone in this big, cold ocean and that seems to be the only thing keeping me from drowning.

-X-X-

Sam is enjoying her final year of high school but cringes whenever I mention 'after high school'. Unlike me, and most other seniors, Samantha isn't looking foreword to being an adult and being independent. I think I know the reason, even if she doesn't want to admit it. Sam has always been a 'little adult' growing up without any real parents. I've been the only real, loving parents that she has ever had. For once in her life, she isn't the one who has to make the decisions about money or food. For the first time, she gets to be a child, depending on someone else to watch out for her. Who would want to say goodbye to that, after such a short period?

It's strange, knowing that it was almost seven years ago that I was getting ready to enter my last year of high school. It is bittersweet, knowing that Sam is only one year away from leaving for college. What will I do then?

I'm thinking about all of this one night, as Lucas and I are on the couch, watching television. My head is in his lap, and he is running his fingers through my hair. I sigh, and ask, "What are we eating for dinner?"

"Dinner?" He asks back, sounding completely serious, "I thought we would skip dinner. Who really needs to eat?"

I laugh, lift up my head, and kiss him, "I need to eat! How else am I going to keep my energy up?"

"I can think of something better to do." He murmurs and plants a kiss on my neck.

"Talk?" I ask, with a wink.

"This doesn't require any talking." Lucas grins, shoots a sideways glance at Elizabeth, who is sitting in her Bumbo chair, watching cartoons. We know that soon, we won't be able to do things like this in front of her. In a few months, she'll begin to realize that the two of us are doing something out of the ordinary.

-X-X-

We eat at Haley and Nathan's house every Sunday. It has become a pretty big thing. Both Lucas and I look forward to getting out of the house and feeling like we're part of something bigger. The Scott family. It is big and complicated but I wouldn't want to be part of any other. I make some kind of dessert to take with us each time. Sometimes, it is fruit salad, when I'm being good, and when I'm bad, it is pie or a cake. I'm good more often than I'm bad, though, and that is what matters, I remind myself. Not that I should fear gaining weight. I lost over twenty pounds after the car accident. How can I eat and do other normal things when I knew that your best friend is dead? I found it impossible.

It's hard facing the reality of our situation. It is getting slightly easier. I don't feel like the air has been knocked out of me each morning, waking up next to Lucas. He is part of my life now and it feels like this is the way things are supposed to be.

"Pull over," Lucas says, as the two of us drive back from lunch with everyone else. Elizabeth is asleep in the back and watching her through my rearview mirror makes me want to do the same. "And switch places with me."

"What?" I kink an eyebrow, shaking my head, but do as he says. I get out and we trade spots. Lucas hands me a black scarf and orders me to cover my eyes.

"It's a surprise." He explains, but doesn't say anymore than that.

"A surprise!?" I giggle, jumping up and down on my seat.

He laughs, "Shut up or you'll wake up the baby."

I smile and bite my lip, "Fine,"

Elizabeth is hardly a baby anymore. At seventeen months, the chubby baby I had met six months ago has transformed into a beautiful little girl. Her hair is getting longer and curlier and her chubby legs are losing fat and gaining muscle.

She is running everywhere and has begun to say words like Yes, No, and Dadda. We haven't yet started working on Momma. That's just something we haven't felt ready for yet. It's still comforting to know that Elizabeth _will_ grow up knowing who her mother was.

Her first word was Brooke. It came as a sort of scream, after she had woken up from her nap, "Book!" She had yelled, over and over, until I scooped her out of her crib. I'm already her favorite person. I know that Peyton wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I'll be her daughter's best friend, just like I was Peyton's best friend.

After about ten minutes, Lucas pulls over and turns off the car. Then, he gets out, walks over, and opens my door for me. After counting to five, he unties the scarf around my eyes and whispers in my ear, "Surprise,"

_Lucas_

-X-X-

"_So what are you going to miss the most about me?" Brooke said, teasingly. The two of us were on the porch at my house. Brooke believed that she would be leaving with her parents for California soon…_

_I smiled and thought for a minute. Would I go with being honest and tell her about how I felt about her? Or would I use this to show her how I felt? "I can only choose one thing?" _

"_Yes," She said quickly, as the two of us paused before the outside entry to my room "and it has to be something good. Not how much you'll miss hanging out with me or how hot I am."_

"_Hmm, neither one of those, huh?" I said, teasing her right back. I loved playing this game with Brooke. We were definitely more than friends but neither one of us were brave enough to take it up a notch. I wanted to be the brave one and be the first to acknowledge what we had. _

"_No," She said, smiling. _

_I shrugged, feeling nervous all of a sudden. This was it. She hadn't even noticed the color of the door behind us. I painted it red for her. "I miss the girl behind the red door."_

_She tilted her head and her smile faded, just a bit. Damn, I thought, she really hasn't noticed. I moved out of the way and waved my hand over the area in front of the door. For the first time, her eyes left mine, and moved to where my hand was pointing. She titled her head to the other side and opened her mouth, as if to say something._

_I beat her to it. "Come on," I say, pulling open the door, to reveal my old room turned into her new room. This is how much I love you, Brooke, I hoped it would say. This is how much I want you to stay. _

-X-X-

My reasons behind buying the house are similar to my reasons back then. Neither her other house or my house are enough to make us feel settled. In her house, it feels like _her_ house, not _our_ house. At my house, it feels like Peyton's house. We need our own home, still filled with memories, but now ours.

"You bought my old house." She whispers, taking a step forward.

"I bought _us_ a house, Brooke." I explain, "It's the house that you've always loved and wanted."

"I can't believe that you did this for me." She gushes, shaking her head.

I smile and shrug, lifting her up into my arms. Many things are similar between last this and this time. However, unlike last time, this time I will tell her how I feel, "This is how much I love and want you, Brooke."

Her eyes narrow and her smile grows wider, "Are you proposing, Lucas Scott?" She asks, teasingly, but I know that she is serious. So am I.

"Do I even need to?" The two of us have known where our relationship was headed since the beginning. Whether we get married soon or not, we're in this for good. This is it.

Brooke shakes her head, a little disappointed. "No, I guess not."

I grab hold of her hand and walk the two of us towards the front door. The key to the house is in the key hole and a thin, red ribbon is tied to it. At the end of the ribbon is a ring. It isn't the ring that my mother had given to me. That ring will belong to Elizabeth someday. This new ring's history will begin with Brooke.

I hear her suck in a breath as I pull the key out and loosen the ribbon. The ring slides into my hand and I kneel down in front of Brooke. "I'm so sorry for the countless times that I've hurt you, Brooke. If I could, I would take away all of the pain and sadness that you've had to experience because of me. I don't deserve you. But I love you and I know that you love me too. You're it for me, Brooke. I don't want to be with anyone but you. Ever. Will you marry me, Brooke?"

Brooke begins to cry but nods her head, over and over again. "Yes, Luke."

_Brooke_

-X-X-

I cry the day that Sam leaves for Los Angeles. She had applied to UCLA and was accepted right away. Julian had welcomed her with open arms. In the time that he and I had been together, Julian had grown to love Sam like a daughter. It is sad to see her go but I trust that Julian will look after her. He's a good guy even if he isn't _my_ guy.

"You will always be my firstborn." I say, teary eyed, to Sam, as I pull her into a hug. We are saying goodbye at the airport. It was here, at this exact spot, that I had said my final goodbye to Angie.

Sam struggles to get free and smiles up at me. "And you'll always be my mom."

"You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that!" I gush, "I always thought that you just saw me as a friend."

She shakes her head, "Never."

"Be a good girl." I say with a nod, letting her go.

She rolls her eyes, "I'm not ten."

"I have to make up for lost time. I never knew you when you were ten." I explain, jokingly.

Sam nods, seeming a little sad. "Bye, Brooke."

"Bye, Samantha." I say, letting go of my daughter. In ten years, when she becomes a mother, she will realize how hard this moment was for me. For now, she just thinks that I'm being too emotional. In ten years, she will understand the love I have for her.

-X-X-

My best friend is dead. Even though it's a year today since it happened, I still cry whenever I think about everything she has missed out on. Everyday, I feel like I'm living her life. The love of her life sleeps next to me and her daughter sleeps a few rooms down the hall.

I sit down on the sand, pulling my legs up to my chest. Over two years ago, I had sat on this very spot, waiting for the very same man. Back then, he was only a friend. Now, we are getting married.

Lucas is five minutes late, again. He sits down beside me and kisses me. "You're lucky I'm still here. I was about to leave." I say, smiling.

He laughs, "I'll make it up to you."

I kink an eyebrow, "How is that?" I ask, even though I know exactly how he plans on making it up to me.

Every time I look at him, I can't believe that I'm going to be his wife. This all feels like a dream. In this universe, Peyton was supposed to be the one with the happy ending. It was that one night on the beach, two years ago, that changed everything.


End file.
